Worthiness of life..

Why life has stop turning itself to red? It is running like a mad bull. A bull who cares for none, an epitome of self-marked excellence, yet a worthless effort. I don't want to comment much, just that this life is adorable only when it is worth giving happiness on a sad face. This life is worth living if it makes someone else live too.

Life is worth laughing out loud sitting on those empty desks after the lecture, not trying to grasp every word slammed out of professor's mouth in the lecture. Life is worth going home with a gleeful face after scoring 75 percent in boards, rather then complaining dad that i got one mark wrong in physics. Life is all about happiness, not the possession of your self-marked goals. That feeling of contentment is worth living which comes to a rickshaw puller while seeing his child going to school. A workaholic's life gathers no worth piling up american dollars in a swiss bank. One needs to understand this broad-term called life. It is not a tissue kissing up the feet of those who climb up the ladder of success, it adores the one who keep smiling while falling down from the heights.

I have yet to learn this life. Still busy going to office because that one day salary is too hard for me to lose it now !!

Worthiness of life..

Why life has stop turning itself to red? It is running like a mad bull. A bull who cares for none, an epitome of self-marked excellence, yet a worthless effort. I don't want to comment much, just that this life is adorable only when it is worth giving happiness on a sad face. This life is worth living if it makes someone else live too.

Life is worth laughing out loud sitting on those empty desks after the lecture, not trying to grasp every word slammed out of professor's mouth in the lecture. Life is worth going home with a gleeful face after scoring 75 percent in boards, rather then complaining dad that i got one mark wrong in physics. Life is all about happiness, not the possession of your self-marked goals. That feeling of contentment is worth living which comes to a rickshaw puller while seeing his child going to school. A workaholic's life gathers no worth piling up american dollars in a swiss bank. One needs to understand this broad-term called life. It is not a tissue kissing up the feet of those who climb up the ladder of success, it adores the one who keep smiling while falling down from the heights.

I have yet to learn this life. Still busy going to office because that one day salary is too hard for me to lose it now !!

An old one..

Metro still runs at the same pace exhibiting the same creeping noise under the same sultry sun ears sticking to the mobile hearing the sweet chirps resonating from bus no 680.

The great LIFE never ends here.

It goes on forever, to the ever rising aspirations, soaring temptations, mounting expectations, creating new hopes, forgetting the older ones, the old corroded relations too, experiencing new highs, sharing the better lows of others, holding up the torch, to live up to my own identity, making hay with every break of dawn, making a hissy stop with settling down of dusk, mind still renders, it never stops..

Life never ends here, it goes on forever..

An old one..

Metro still runs at the same pace exhibiting the same creeping noise under the same sultry sun ears sticking to the mobile hearing the sweet chirps resonating from bus no 680.

The great LIFE never ends here.

It goes on forever, to the ever rising aspirations, soaring temptations, mounting expectations, creating new hopes, forgetting the older ones, the old corroded relations too, experiencing new highs, sharing the better lows of others, holding up the torch, to live up to my own identity, making hay with every break of dawn, making a hissy stop with settling down of dusk, mind still renders, it never stops..

Life never ends here, it goes on forever..

August 15,2009

03:40 AM

Spilling my chilled drink over the floor from my over-flown mug, twisting the tongue munching the spicy palak-paneer, enjoying the cool breeze over the terrace, bare feet smashing the fresh droplets of water falling from sky, heart dancing over the favourite beats being played over my machine, mind still lost in its silent wanderings, hands plucked in the pockets of jeans to avoid the unlike shiver in the drizzle, life saying it loud:

Happy Independence Day !!

August 15,2009

03:40 AM

Spilling my chilled drink over the floor from my over-flown mug, twisting the tongue munching the spicy palak-paneer, enjoying the cool breeze over the terrace, bare feet smashing the fresh droplets of water falling from sky, heart dancing over the favourite beats being played over my machine, mind still lost in its silent wanderings, hands plucked in the pockets of jeans to avoid the unlike shiver in the drizzle, life saying it loud:

Happy Independence Day !!

being Aseem Rambani !!

So, what’s new in being Aseem Rambani?

Last Sunday, came back to my place quite late from gurgaon. There’s nothing special in gurgaon, just two of my best friends resides there, so time just flies away at weekend. Rather not just two, more than 30 friends are working in gurgaon in different firms at different scales.

Me, I am Aseem Rambani. I work for six days in my office and seventh day I keep myself happy so that I can retain the pressure for next six days in my office. It’s pretty hectic in my office, don’t know whether it’s really hectic or I just feel so. My team manager always keeps saying you are young and most efficient in my team, you can’t ever be tired. He pumps me so much that even knowing he is making fool of me; I just trace back the steps to my cabin. But I like my team manager; he’s supportive, very supportive to me. One colleague of mine is very jealous of me in office, because in his opinion I consider him a fool. But actually he’s right; I do consider him a fool for his non-sense talks. I should not say bad things about others, else I’ll become like them only. I should look for good deeds of others. My colleague is nice to me in a way, that he always take care of my responsibilities while I am not in office. For last two months, I haven’t taken even a single half day. But soon those days will come too. Rest I don’t like to talk much about my office, office is good. I like working in my office, because then I can fulfil my dreams by earning more money. In last 22 years of my life, I have learnt just one thing; money can get you anything, sometimes even happiness too. It’s a pity!!

Yesterday while I was coming back from office. Oh, yesterday was very hectic, and I’m sure my manager too would agree with me. In morning, I went to noida or rather it was near noida. I don’t know about Delhi nor even about Amritsar, do I just know the roads in my village. My village is beautiful. It is made in a squared land, surrounded by waters from two sides and one side is connected to main road which connects Amritsar with tarn taran. Hence whenever I’ve to post a letter at my home, address always includes tarn taran road, district Amritsar. Don’t deviate, I was hurriedly making way in a beautiful four lane road near noida; I could see the brands flashing over the top of some mall. I just ignored and kept moving towards my office there. A power transformer was damaged tripping all the major circuits i.e buchholz relay, differential relay, OSR, PRV, OLTC tripping (I forgot the name of OLTC tripping). Ooops, none of you are acquainted to a power transformer. Your mobile phone charger also has a tiny transformer in it and power transformer is of size equal to a normal room and twenty feet in height. It is very essential for our life, else our mobile phones can’t get charged and our life would come to a halt.

Yes, just four days ago, I got a new Samsung mobile. It’s not new, it’s a used one but I really like it. I was fed up using the nokia, though I know nokia is better. My nokia mobile was very complex with a memory card, can click pictures, recording and it was facilitated with a bluetooth device also. In college, I so wanted to have an expensive mobile, but I used a very basic model of nokia. But it was very special for me in those days. So, I dumped this complicated nokia and got that simple Samsung handset, which have got just four wallpapers to choose and out of those, three are of gods. So I chose the fourth one. There’s nothing to explore, not even camera, no bluetooth, no memory, so I am very happy keeping it in my jean’s pocket all day.

Yesterday, after inspecting that power transformer, I had a seminar for a fresher’s batch. These new recruits know nothing about the work culture, yet they apprehend as if all employees are foolish working here and just they have got the mind because they are fresh from college. They kept irritating me with their weird questions, but I was also sure not to let down the image of me being amongst the most eligible team of my firm. So I screwed them up soon before finishing the lecture and I was carrying that smile while leaving the seminar hall.

Came back to same power transformer in evening to get the test results, but I was totally clueless why everyone was raising the eye brows over the high levels of acetylene gas in insulation oil. Later my manager cleared all my doubts and I was happy that I learnt a new thing. I came back to my place when the sun had settled down and ate a burger at Mahesh burger shop. It’s very famous and he gives one burger for just seven rupees. But I like it, so I ignore the fact it may not be hygienic. He complained me that due to hike in prices of kerosene, he’s facing a severe loss in this burger business. But I was not much moved over his concern, living at such a fast pace I ignore all the simplicities of life. I even write my blogs in such a weird manner, but I love my writing. I would love to see this post on my blog; this is free of all complications. Isn’t it so simple to read?

But mostly people don’t like simple things. One is always intrigued by an intelligent fellow, who thinks twice before speaking and who gives weird answer to look different from the flock. Why one never likes a rickshaw ride, because he’s a simple man, doesn’t ask you so many queries and drops you at your desired location. But we get so excited meeting a Harvard graduate, because he can answer in his own complicated ways, we may not understand a bit, but we’ll praise one for his intelligence. Non sense!!

Life looks great being a simple one, but we don’t have time to lead this simpler form of life. Even I can’t. I am not blaming anyone; I myself am getting complicated with each passing day. At least I am happy removing two complex things from my life, that weird English diction and that complicated bulky nokia handset.

I wanted to post this blog yesterday to wish all my friends a very happy wala friendship day. Guess what I am writing this post on my laptop listening to my favourite singer Babbu maan’s song:

“ Mehfil mitran di sajdi roz chubaare,
Botlaan de dakk khul gaye,
Tera jikar hoya muteyare” ...

being Aseem Rambani !!

So, what’s new in being Aseem Rambani?

Last Sunday, came back to my place quite late from gurgaon. There’s nothing special in gurgaon, just two of my best friends resides there, so time just flies away at weekend. Rather not just two, more than 30 friends are working in gurgaon in different firms at different scales.

Me, I am Aseem Rambani. I work for six days in my office and seventh day I keep myself happy so that I can retain the pressure for next six days in my office. It’s pretty hectic in my office, don’t know whether it’s really hectic or I just feel so. My team manager always keeps saying you are young and most efficient in my team, you can’t ever be tired. He pumps me so much that even knowing he is making fool of me; I just trace back the steps to my cabin. But I like my team manager; he’s supportive, very supportive to me. One colleague of mine is very jealous of me in office, because in his opinion I consider him a fool. But actually he’s right; I do consider him a fool for his non-sense talks. I should not say bad things about others, else I’ll become like them only. I should look for good deeds of others. My colleague is nice to me in a way, that he always take care of my responsibilities while I am not in office. For last two months, I haven’t taken even a single half day. But soon those days will come too. Rest I don’t like to talk much about my office, office is good. I like working in my office, because then I can fulfil my dreams by earning more money. In last 22 years of my life, I have learnt just one thing; money can get you anything, sometimes even happiness too. It’s a pity!!

Yesterday while I was coming back from office. Oh, yesterday was very hectic, and I’m sure my manager too would agree with me. In morning, I went to noida or rather it was near noida. I don’t know about Delhi nor even about Amritsar, do I just know the roads in my village. My village is beautiful. It is made in a squared land, surrounded by waters from two sides and one side is connected to main road which connects Amritsar with tarn taran. Hence whenever I’ve to post a letter at my home, address always includes tarn taran road, district Amritsar. Don’t deviate, I was hurriedly making way in a beautiful four lane road near noida; I could see the brands flashing over the top of some mall. I just ignored and kept moving towards my office there. A power transformer was damaged tripping all the major circuits i.e buchholz relay, differential relay, OSR, PRV, OLTC tripping (I forgot the name of OLTC tripping). Ooops, none of you are acquainted to a power transformer. Your mobile phone charger also has a tiny transformer in it and power transformer is of size equal to a normal room and twenty feet in height. It is very essential for our life, else our mobile phones can’t get charged and our life would come to a halt.

Yes, just four days ago, I got a new Samsung mobile. It’s not new, it’s a used one but I really like it. I was fed up using the nokia, though I know nokia is better. My nokia mobile was very complex with a memory card, can click pictures, recording and it was facilitated with a bluetooth device also. In college, I so wanted to have an expensive mobile, but I used a very basic model of nokia. But it was very special for me in those days. So, I dumped this complicated nokia and got that simple Samsung handset, which have got just four wallpapers to choose and out of those, three are of gods. So I chose the fourth one. There’s nothing to explore, not even camera, no bluetooth, no memory, so I am very happy keeping it in my jean’s pocket all day.

Yesterday, after inspecting that power transformer, I had a seminar for a fresher’s batch. These new recruits know nothing about the work culture, yet they apprehend as if all employees are foolish working here and just they have got the mind because they are fresh from college. They kept irritating me with their weird questions, but I was also sure not to let down the image of me being amongst the most eligible team of my firm. So I screwed them up soon before finishing the lecture and I was carrying that smile while leaving the seminar hall.

Came back to same power transformer in evening to get the test results, but I was totally clueless why everyone was raising the eye brows over the high levels of acetylene gas in insulation oil. Later my manager cleared all my doubts and I was happy that I learnt a new thing. I came back to my place when the sun had settled down and ate a burger at Mahesh burger shop. It’s very famous and he gives one burger for just seven rupees. But I like it, so I ignore the fact it may not be hygienic. He complained me that due to hike in prices of kerosene, he’s facing a severe loss in this burger business. But I was not much moved over his concern, living at such a fast pace I ignore all the simplicities of life. I even write my blogs in such a weird manner, but I love my writing. I would love to see this post on my blog; this is free of all complications. Isn’t it so simple to read?

But mostly people don’t like simple things. One is always intrigued by an intelligent fellow, who thinks twice before speaking and who gives weird answer to look different from the flock. Why one never likes a rickshaw ride, because he’s a simple man, doesn’t ask you so many queries and drops you at your desired location. But we get so excited meeting a Harvard graduate, because he can answer in his own complicated ways, we may not understand a bit, but we’ll praise one for his intelligence. Non sense!!

Life looks great being a simple one, but we don’t have time to lead this simpler form of life. Even I can’t. I am not blaming anyone; I myself am getting complicated with each passing day. At least I am happy removing two complex things from my life, that weird English diction and that complicated bulky nokia handset.

I wanted to post this blog yesterday to wish all my friends a very happy wala friendship day. Guess what I am writing this post on my laptop listening to my favourite singer Babbu maan’s song:

“ Mehfil mitran di sajdi roz chubaare,
Botlaan de dakk khul gaye,
Tera jikar hoya muteyare” ...

My first day in College !!

Around half past seven in morning, August 2004 :

The trodden ways to lecturer blocks were still fresh after being washed out in last night strong winds and pouring rains. The nostalgic smell of fresh dew drops falling down through the pores of green leaves reminded me of my home. That morning was not an usual one in many unusual ways. Eyes were still creeping with the clear beams of sun penetrating into the eyes making it feel the uneasiness. Eyes were still numb after resting for whole night in a secluded room of hostel -C. Last night was my first, first in every term that I had spent away from home. Hostel C seemed no more less than a haunted place at its first look. Three storied building up the ladder encircling a rectangular park in each block (even the image had faded from my mind), but not the memories.

That night too was scary, water making the harrowed noises spattering over the window panes of my room, as if someone creeping under the door. Doors were banging hard with the strong gushes of wind making the creek noises, yet I was happy to be away from home. To enter this new world, to enter the professional phase of life, under the open sky no more under the umbrella of my loved ones protecting me from the harsh rays of life. The sky was flung open that day, with the limitless scope of exploring it, carrying the responsibilities on my own shoulders for my every deed done by me. The feelings of being on my own feet, of being a little bit stronger were sprouting in my inner self.

With all the fresh faces, i hurriedly made way to find my classroom. F 201 was the allotted class for Solid mechanics subject. We were four guys running from our hostel to find F block, all new to each other, yet the similarity of being new brought us a feeling of togetherness. Galloping through the cafeteria, B block, E block and then F block ( I wish all these pleasant routes had been known to me then). None of us knew each other's names, just shared that 2 km stretch from our hostel to the campus. I admit, admit it profusely it was scary, my heart stopped beating for an instant to see the lecture hall packed with 125 students. All faces were new, each having cleared the entrance test, felt as if i had made it here for the last seat in this college. It was heart rendering to see those intelligent brains fitting the spectacles over the nose, mind focusing on board while hands making the wise move on the copied notes. Heart said, " Life is going to be hard here pressing every limit for raising the performance by every inch ". Entered the Most notified professor of Civil Engineering department, Dr. Maneek Kumar, the Head of Dept for the course of Solid mechanics. He was an eminent personality, a young man in his early thirties known for his NASA's project. He didn't give us, or rather me a hard time as I had known the professors for doing so. The 1 hour lecture ended soon, much before the time i expected it, hence showing positive signs. Rest i can't recall much, just few fake instances of joy of being independent, of being more courageous, being able to strive forward facing all those forgone difficult phases, life seemed all tumbled up, a fresh lease of life, everlasting like the pearl floating over the bedrock of sea.

That day, life promised me to be more challenging, to be thought-provoking, living it on the edge, striving for every ounce of marks,

and mind you, life fulfilled all promises made in those four years of my life !!

My first day in College !!

Around half past seven in morning, August 2004 :

The trodden ways to lecturer blocks were still fresh after being washed out in last night strong winds and pouring rains. The nostalgic smell of fresh dew drops falling down through the pores of green leaves reminded me of my home. That morning was not an usual one in many unusual ways. Eyes were still creeping with the clear beams of sun penetrating into the eyes making it feel the uneasiness. Eyes were still numb after resting for whole night in a secluded room of hostel -C. Last night was my first, first in every term that I had spent away from home. Hostel C seemed no more less than a haunted place at its first look. Three storied building up the ladder encircling a rectangular park in each block (even the image had faded from my mind), but not the memories.

That night too was scary, water making the harrowed noises spattering over the window panes of my room, as if someone creeping under the door. Doors were banging hard with the strong gushes of wind making the creek noises, yet I was happy to be away from home. To enter this new world, to enter the professional phase of life, under the open sky no more under the umbrella of my loved ones protecting me from the harsh rays of life. The sky was flung open that day, with the limitless scope of exploring it, carrying the responsibilities on my own shoulders for my every deed done by me. The feelings of being on my own feet, of being a little bit stronger were sprouting in my inner self.

With all the fresh faces, i hurriedly made way to find my classroom. F 201 was the allotted class for Solid mechanics subject. We were four guys running from our hostel to find F block, all new to each other, yet the similarity of being new brought us a feeling of togetherness. Galloping through the cafeteria, B block, E block and then F block ( I wish all these pleasant routes had been known to me then). None of us knew each other's names, just shared that 2 km stretch from our hostel to the campus. I admit, admit it profusely it was scary, my heart stopped beating for an instant to see the lecture hall packed with 125 students. All faces were new, each having cleared the entrance test, felt as if i had made it here for the last seat in this college. It was heart rendering to see those intelligent brains fitting the spectacles over the nose, mind focusing on board while hands making the wise move on the copied notes. Heart said, " Life is going to be hard here pressing every limit for raising the performance by every inch ". Entered the Most notified professor of Civil Engineering department, Dr. Maneek Kumar, the Head of Dept for the course of Solid mechanics. He was an eminent personality, a young man in his early thirties known for his NASA's project. He didn't give us, or rather me a hard time as I had known the professors for doing so. The 1 hour lecture ended soon, much before the time i expected it, hence showing positive signs. Rest i can't recall much, just few fake instances of joy of being independent, of being more courageous, being able to strive forward facing all those forgone difficult phases, life seemed all tumbled up, a fresh lease of life, everlasting like the pearl floating over the bedrock of sea.

That day, life promised me to be more challenging, to be thought-provoking, living it on the edge, striving for every ounce of marks,

and mind you, life fulfilled all promises made in those four years of my life !!

Four years in one hour..

Yes, never expected to see him. That too at a time, when required most (i guess).

One hour earlier:

Sitting at a coffee bar in outer circle, Connaught Place, a disgruntled feeling was seizing my heart as if losing someone without whom life would be tough to live. Somehow unwillingly, convincing my mellow stupid heart defying my feelings, I left the place for railway station.

Presently looking at the entrance of station with virtually closed mind, expecting no one to see me no one to catch me amidst this storm, yet i saw the unforgettable face of my friend. I doubt I ever considered him my friend, he was unarguably the best guy during the four years of my graduation. In no time, i hugged him from behind as if letting the jaws of happiness to swallow me inside the sea of it. That face made me forget the sorrows for a moment, made me forget the hovering tensions of this complex race for superiority.

In one word, I was HAPPY. We glued to our best talks, shared the new things exploring the new life, getting insight into each other's world. I used to ate all his special biscuits during exam days, stealing from his locked cupboard, just to hide the wicked smile next day opening the empty box in front of him. It used to be the best moment and I once again expecting the same from his bag, opened it up plucking the things haphazardly to find few broken pieces of those special biscuits lying at the bottom of stock.

Tears were hard to control, but guys are made to look hard and tough. Hearts made with the sewing steel veins, blood sucking the emotions out of it into the ruthless world, guys are looked over as the hard nuts. I was never an exception in this cat-walk, simply hiding my emotions with a ruthless sneering smile yet eyes betraying the heart. I loved that one hour meet. Thanks the heavens and Indian railways, I cherished every beloved moment of my four best years in that one hour meet.

And I left for my home, my own home where everybody is just mine :)

Next day, Missing that coffee bar the least, I was playing with my little cousin under the blue roof of endless heaven, as if reciprocating my happiness into the abundance of sky !!

Four years in one hour..

Yes, never expected to see him. That too at a time, when required most (i guess).

One hour earlier:

Sitting at a coffee bar in outer circle, Connaught Place, a disgruntled feeling was seizing my heart as if losing someone without whom life would be tough to live. Somehow unwillingly, convincing my mellow stupid heart defying my feelings, I left the place for railway station.

Presently looking at the entrance of station with virtually closed mind, expecting no one to see me no one to catch me amidst this storm, yet i saw the unforgettable face of my friend. I doubt I ever considered him my friend, he was unarguably the best guy during the four years of my graduation. In no time, i hugged him from behind as if letting the jaws of happiness to swallow me inside the sea of it. That face made me forget the sorrows for a moment, made me forget the hovering tensions of this complex race for superiority.

In one word, I was HAPPY. We glued to our best talks, shared the new things exploring the new life, getting insight into each other's world. I used to ate all his special biscuits during exam days, stealing from his locked cupboard, just to hide the wicked smile next day opening the empty box in front of him. It used to be the best moment and I once again expecting the same from his bag, opened it up plucking the things haphazardly to find few broken pieces of those special biscuits lying at the bottom of stock.

Tears were hard to control, but guys are made to look hard and tough. Hearts made with the sewing steel veins, blood sucking the emotions out of it into the ruthless world, guys are looked over as the hard nuts. I was never an exception in this cat-walk, simply hiding my emotions with a ruthless sneering smile yet eyes betraying the heart. I loved that one hour meet. Thanks the heavens and Indian railways, I cherished every beloved moment of my four best years in that one hour meet.

And I left for my home, my own home where everybody is just mine :)

Next day, Missing that coffee bar the least, I was playing with my little cousin under the blue roof of endless heaven, as if reciprocating my happiness into the abundance of sky !!

Many things are on the rolls of my pen, trying to wobble out very soon.

Many many things. Yesterday sipping coffee at CCD in Connaught Place and at same time today, playing in lush green gardens of my home in an endless space.

Things keep changing and i let myself explore the hidden me. Next two months shall bring a new merged personality of this same boring Aseem.

With fingers crossed !!

Many things are on the rolls of my pen, trying to wobble out very soon.

Many many things. Yesterday sipping coffee at CCD in Connaught Place and at same time today, playing in lush green gardens of my home in an endless space.

Things keep changing and i let myself explore the hidden me. Next two months shall bring a new merged personality of this same boring Aseem.

With fingers crossed !!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

An excerpt from my friend's dairy :

Friends are important to us. Everyone is incomplete without them. We need our friends at every stage of our life. When we were small, even at that time friends were important to us. Some had pals, some had pets, some of us even had imaginary friends. Sometimes Barbie’s, teddies and other stuff toys became our friends. During that stage, friends shared sweet, innocent, selfless talks. They had no selfish means for making friends. They just make friends to play, talk, share their innocent secrets and share their dreams.

As we grow into our teens, some of our old friends were left behind. We made some new ones. At this point, friendship has an entirely different meaning. It is not just about talking, sharing secrets or sharing dreams, it’s about understanding each other, helping each other during the time of trouble and depending on each other.

But my mind keeps wondering who are “Friends” and what is “Friendship”. I keep thinking about it, but never reach to a satisfactory answer.

Friends are people who like us in spite of our faults and who listen to us and tell us the truth.

They make you believe that there really is good in the world.

They convince you that there is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it.

They get you through the hard times, the sad times, the confused times.

They hold your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay.

They laugh with you and share your grief.

Friends support your decisions and tell you when we're foolish.

They are companions and share your interests.

They argue with you when you are wrong.

They are the people with one is not afraid of telling their secret wishes or what is really on one’s minds.

They are those who knows our every mood and can brighten even the cloudy days.

They are one who is slow to criticize, but quick to praise.

But do friends feel jealous of each other? If yes, then how can they be friends? Were they sharing the bond of true friendship? If no, then how can they be with each other for so long?

I really don’t understand that if friends are true, then why this backstabbing occurs? How can one even do that? Whatever happens is just misunderstanding or really meant to hurt someone? If it is a sheer misunderstanding, then in friendship does gap widens this much that this misunderstandings can’t get cleared up?

These are few questions which keep me confused and I keep thinking about it. Mind says that “Yes! Its backstabbing which your friend did for their own mean reasons”, but heart says that “Its just small misunderstanding that has happened and it would be cleared soon”

Reality is still unknown…..

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

An excerpt from my friend's dairy :

Friends are important to us. Everyone is incomplete without them. We need our friends at every stage of our life. When we were small, even at that time friends were important to us. Some had pals, some had pets, some of us even had imaginary friends. Sometimes Barbie’s, teddies and other stuff toys became our friends. During that stage, friends shared sweet, innocent, selfless talks. They had no selfish means for making friends. They just make friends to play, talk, share their innocent secrets and share their dreams.

As we grow into our teens, some of our old friends were left behind. We made some new ones. At this point, friendship has an entirely different meaning. It is not just about talking, sharing secrets or sharing dreams, it’s about understanding each other, helping each other during the time of trouble and depending on each other.

But my mind keeps wondering who are “Friends” and what is “Friendship”. I keep thinking about it, but never reach to a satisfactory answer.

Friends are people who like us in spite of our faults and who listen to us and tell us the truth.

They make you believe that there really is good in the world.

They convince you that there is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it.

They get you through the hard times, the sad times, the confused times.

They hold your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay.

They laugh with you and share your grief.

Friends support your decisions and tell you when we're foolish.

They are companions and share your interests.

They argue with you when you are wrong.

They are the people with one is not afraid of telling their secret wishes or what is really on one’s minds.

They are those who knows our every mood and can brighten even the cloudy days.

They are one who is slow to criticize, but quick to praise.

But do friends feel jealous of each other? If yes, then how can they be friends? Were they sharing the bond of true friendship? If no, then how can they be with each other for so long?

I really don’t understand that if friends are true, then why this backstabbing occurs? How can one even do that? Whatever happens is just misunderstanding or really meant to hurt someone? If it is a sheer misunderstanding, then in friendship does gap widens this much that this misunderstandings can’t get cleared up?

These are few questions which keep me confused and I keep thinking about it. Mind says that “Yes! Its backstabbing which your friend did for their own mean reasons”, but heart says that “Its just small misunderstanding that has happened and it would be cleared soon”

Reality is still unknown…..

That closed window over the grass porch

That closed window over the grass porch !!

It sounds so magnificent to me. Lights turned off and one can see the fringed rays of sun penetrating through the window glass, scattering over the marble floor in a room engulfed in silence.

I thought about it and somehow, my heart pounced as if found some lost treasure in the talks. Reminded me of my room dubbing the same scene in my mind, eyes felt the glitter reflecting the beams of pleasure in the light of settling sun.

I am clueless for the wanderings of my mind. Roams like a free spirit, unstoppable and true to my heart. I've lived my life being a slave to my heart. I still follow it frantically brushing aside the practicalities of this ruthless world. Living life dipped in the expectations of my loved ones, it carries some direction. Never lost in the sea of musings floating on the surface keeping my head just above the ground. Just stepping over the steps mutely, flocking in unison with all, humming the merry song.

Life seems so complete in this subtle world..

That closed window over the grass porch

That closed window over the grass porch !!

It sounds so magnificent to me. Lights turned off and one can see the fringed rays of sun penetrating through the window glass, scattering over the marble floor in a room engulfed in silence.

I thought about it and somehow, my heart pounced as if found some lost treasure in the talks. Reminded me of my room dubbing the same scene in my mind, eyes felt the glitter reflecting the beams of pleasure in the light of settling sun.

I am clueless for the wanderings of my mind. Roams like a free spirit, unstoppable and true to my heart. I've lived my life being a slave to my heart. I still follow it frantically brushing aside the practicalities of this ruthless world. Living life dipped in the expectations of my loved ones, it carries some direction. Never lost in the sea of musings floating on the surface keeping my head just above the ground. Just stepping over the steps mutely, flocking in unison with all, humming the merry song.

Life seems so complete in this subtle world..

"It's grand. It's luxurious. It's uber extravagant and is very expensive.

Work hard. May be some day...."

ROLLS ROYCE, the Phantom coupe.

Heart thinks twice before imagining it. The writer felt the heart shaking to complete the last line. It's an extreme limit of insanity which even heart can't dare to dream so easily. Such is the superiority. Very well defined as the highest attainable degree of luxury which will cost around 4,10,00,000 INR. Yes, count the zeroes once again !!

I am working harder. May be some day... :p

"It's grand. It's luxurious. It's uber extravagant and is very expensive.

Work hard. May be some day...."

ROLLS ROYCE, the Phantom coupe.

Heart thinks twice before imagining it. The writer felt the heart shaking to complete the last line. It's an extreme limit of insanity which even heart can't dare to dream so easily. Such is the superiority. Very well defined as the highest attainable degree of luxury which will cost around 4,10,00,000 INR. Yes, count the zeroes once again !!

I am working harder. May be some day... :p

Sachin Tendulkar

This one man has that potential to divert the dreams of every child, who doesn't know how to write, but surely does enough how to bat.

The craze for this name defies all logic. Just the flash of his name can make anyone feel the chillness across the globe. He has left no front to prove his worthiness for cricket. I vividly have many memories of my school days. I used to run from my school, used to complete my homework copies with never such enthusiasm, so that I might not miss a single shot of this maestro. I used to pray to god that sachin won't fail in that day's match in my evening prayers.

And watching him getting out early was nevertheless gunfire on my hopes; heart sank down to bottom seeing his marching feet towards pavilion. A sheer disgusting pack of emotions, then blaming him that he never played well when required the most.

When he scored a century, it felt as if this is for what he's playing for. Its his duty to score a century. Just imagine, what could be the load of expectations on this so-called "GOD" of cricket? Those burdens spattered over the field as this guy made his way towards the pavilion, crushing the hopes of many, while those many hearts couldn't do much just heaving a grieved sigh.

Every youngster's role model, once I used to dream if I would wake up one morning with god gifting me the same talent that sachin possessed, how pleasant it would be !!

The applaud for this matchless personality can never be described better than below:

"Beneath the helmet, under that unruly curly hair, inside the cranium, there is something we don't know, something beyond scientific measure. Something that allows him to soar, to roam a territory of sport that, forget us, even those who are gifted enough to play alongside him cannot even fathom. When he goes out to bat, people switch on their television sets and switch off their lives."

BBC Sports once quoted it.

Next post shall be dedicated to the personality, whom i have admired since the day i had got the hold over my cricket bat. For whom every village guy keeps running frantically till the dawn, the day India wins a match. A person on earth with an exemplary persona which have diverted every one's ambition to only one axle of thinking:

To play like SACHIN TENDULKAR one day !!

"I have seen GOD. He bats at number 4 for India" - Mathew Hayden

Dreams to realities

Being on the other side of what?

When I was young (though I am still young), I had many wishes. Silently looking ahead as if praying almighty to make them come true one day. I had many hopes from the future to give an ear to my wishes, to make me what i always wanted to be. Watering my hopes with the fresh drops of efforts each day, life would tend to be complete one day. I used to feel that a day would come, when i would be a complete person with no prayers unheard. I waited patiently, some wishes transformed into realities, some became the closed chapters buried in past.

Now talking in some mature sense, I feel those wishes were never just wishes. They were just a step ahead in my race of life; all I needed was to take that step. I took it and those wishes become realities. Some steps never got under my feet and remained just as fresh as they were before.

I dare to catch the sheer dreams, never touched before, just dancing before eyes and were just the heavenly wishes for me. I leapt to give my whole-hearted efforts, and they never fall short. Life seems so complete sometimes, but again asking for a little bit more. Life seems so glorious, but always with a scope of little more to accomplish. Such is the simplicity in this complex race, one just requires a grit to achieve it.

Fits in so beautifully:

Thoda hai thode ki zarurat hai..
Zindagi phir bhi yahaan khoobsurat hai..

Sheetal Restaurant

Four years of Engineering had never been accomplished without this food joint, which has embraced our every roar of success. May it be the birthday of someone, may it be a casual dinner after a stretched week inside the campus, may it be a treat for unexpected A grade in a course, this was our den for those very much cherished four years.

I was never good in remembering the places, yet lights could seen fringing from that cosy small restro-dhaba after turning from that four-way near petrol pump. Rickshaw used to be an expensive affair, we used to walk till Gopal's, taking a rickshaw to main gate and trying to convince the rickshaw-wala to drop us to our hostel. Everyone trying to exploit the rickshaw-wala trapping in the gimmick by screaming out," Ours is the first hostel to come". May it be the last one, farthest from main gate; our attempts never ran short of confidence.

It used to be packed every time, while a nearby dhaba always looking for more passers with anxious eyes. Sheetal had a sitting plan in open with few tables laid just before the main road, and those meals were most delicious taken in the lap of sky, laughing out loud amidst the flashing lights of vehicles, soaring dust on road, honking horns of cars; yet those laughs still echo in my ears. I had shared every fruitful moment there only. A smile still flashes across my face thinking about the foods we had there. Four years sticking to the most economic and best combination of food, dal-makhani, kadai paneer and butter naan. Life seemed so complete with these three dishes forever.

Running short of money, checking the hand-made bill hoping to see an extra naan penned down, looking at each other faces with a wicked smile with everyone apprehending no money in pockets. One plate of dal-makhni cost around Rs 20, almost same tag for kadai paneer and Rs 3 for each naan. Yet it was a cumbersome fight not to pay the bill. "I paid the bill last time too", everyone's punch-line after the dinner, somehow reaching the faded conclusion that everyone would pay his part to that unlucky guy after getting back to hostel. As soon as money came out from slained one's pocket, that wide grin on everyone's face blew away the words of agreement.

Making our way back to our hostels lazily walking down the deserted wide lanes paved on the lush green grasses, those were elegant moments peeping into the girl's hostel from with those hindered sights of tall trees. Laughing, walking and talking, life never fantisized for anything else in those splendid days.

And now those cheap dinners are the most hard-earned ones for me !!

And i am once again happy..

Life is indeed beautiful.

After following it for years, with all my grit and determination, sometimes I got it but mostly losing it when required the most. I am describing my encounters with the every one's lavish fantasy, every one's life longing: HAPPINESS :)

This word carries the most beautiful feelings etched in my heart too, just like every one's heart. But these feelings are volatile; the sublimate feelings are the most hard fought to posses. I had many runs for it, galloping haplessly on a pavement, sniffing every step of this trodden path, yet lost it when I was on the verge of getting it.

This time again, running blind-folded for this splendid thing, I was on the verge of giving up. Unlike my last attempts, I was drained to the bottom. Hands slowly and swiftly dropping the gears of my passion, mind getting sootheness in the emptiness only, lying with eyes closed possessing no more dreams, world seemed to be still with me. A subtle glow was seen by my eyes, tired of seeing the faded happiness every time. It was happiness, again knocking at my weak and brittle door, yes, it was indeed happiness.

And I am once again happy..

Happy Holi :)

I remember vividly my last holi at home. It was spectacular as always, free from the pinching sky of college schedule into the endless world of my imagination, into the new world where phobia for silence persists, into a new gigantic term of corporate world; it felt as if i had explored a hidden treasure a year ago.

That newly-found treasure is lost !!

Life has become inconsistent, galloping in steps after the long tiring unexpected halts. My plans keep changing as sun keeps changing the intensity of its rays with time. The growing agony inside me needs a vent out. Hopes were never dwindling with such pessimism nor me. My priorities, expectations keep changing like a bullish run in sensex. Come new ones, older ones are drained in the dejected lane. A filthy feeling of being shrewd to myself craves in every time.

But no, i shall live it myself. I shall live it for my loved ones, for those who share my happiness, more for those who endure my pains with me. Setting aside the speculations running in my mind, i shall decide the course and will never deter my expectations.

Soon.. Very soon..

After being eloped for a sumptuous time, i shall be consistent in writing it once again.

I shall write it once again with the same rejuvenated vigour,

I shall write for me, only for me, just for me..

I always appreciate the comments, what so ever they are, they make me a better writer, a better person too sometimes !!

One year @ Delhi

I still have very vivid memories of the day, I landed up in this big bustling metro Delhi. Getting passed the lavish showrooms on outer circle of connaght place stood with its reputation of being a metropolitan. I was total unaware of my place : flat-1, navjeevan vihar, geetanjali enclave, New Delhi. When I was coming, one guy told me to ask about malviya nagar because its nearby my desired location. Later i came to know, Malviya nagar was actually known to all and no one knew about navjeevan vihar. Everyone prefers going round the periphery, but never the axis. Luckily I saw a car with number plate PB 11 (Patiala) and standing beside it was damanpreet. Two well-groomed ashoka trees planted across the fence, balcony painted white touching the leaves of trees, that was the flat assigned to us. We both went inside, turning right from the door was the haunted room (atleast for me). All were reached the same night and were told the maid would be serving the meals next day onwards.

Next day, we met the great RAMU. A guy with sky-touching ego and the attitude he carried was unnerved. Right from the first day, he made us feel as if we are back to school from our independent life-style of college. His tongue rolling punchline," aisa nahi chalega yahan", always had a jittery impact on us. Asking for another chappatti made him furious to such extent as if he would eat me if i mutter a single word. Yet fun was irresistible in asking more and more laughing out loud in front of him. His wife was the most dumb person, always smiling resembling with million dollar smile of Julia Roberts. I just asked her once to make a coffee and maggi, she said she knew nothing about cooking. She made it simpler for us to cook ourselves in evening, ramu gritting his teeth over the usage of sugar and his coffee. He tried threatening us always watching news of aarushi murder case and rest were the channels very close to his heart but far away from mine ( nepali tv, pongali, bla bla bla ).

All day talking non-sense, shunting out weirdest jokes for each other. Listening to that censored show at night with daman, amul and saurav, even a noise of curtain could make it irritating and concluding discussions never died out before next day. Watching MTV roadies for three hours at a stretch, showing the crude side with a charming killer attitude and equally cunning and sheer kamini thinking, it was shambhavi. Weekends were absolutely impeccable to stop, we had no plans for it ever. Living everyday as sunday, yet actual sundays were special. Why the girls in some special buses were actually cute than others especially in 500 and 520? A round trip to connaught place was all that could soothe the minds.

Came another guy, kunal. Natively from delhi which was pretty clear from his wild ways of thinking. His never ending talks (mostly were never-heard) and even more lasting were the impressions, how could he did it, were all we used to wonder. Probably the only guy who had not left even a single thing unexplored, was kunal. His handshake nobody could ever forget, that big clasp around your mild grip, but a very nice guy on the whole. But i had a huge fight with amul over who would taught him integration because none of us actually wanted to taught a guy who could raise his eyebrows over the summation of two and two is four. Still a master of every trade but studies.

My assistant manager at operation services in vasant kunj, i wonder how a guy could be blessed with such an abundance. Watching his decent designer dressings, coming by bus, all day surfing the stock exchange sites on his lenovo laptop, checking his mails and chatting with his gf and earning the wildest package, that was all my mind could ask for in my weirdest distant dreams at that time (and now sometimes i felt my presence in his shoes but still life is never so green as it was from other side).

Talks about the concept of jatt was probably the blind curve in that haunted house. One guy actually a jatt by name, other by his physique, we used to crack the wildest jokes on their face, both looking in bewilderment as if meant for him only, but it was always the other guy. Those small-budget treats were the best times to cherish, where nothing else prevails but just the laughter unless it hurted so much that tears started rolling down cheeks. Then there were spats for milk, deepest confusions over the financial boom in prices, fighting egos over the few drops of milk, dominance of full cream over double tone, those heated well-planned discussions are amongst my brightest memories of my stay.

How come being in Delhi, one can't find a girl to steer eyes just to have a look of her. Named " kali kudi " was simply astonishing. The name made it clear her dark complexion but bootylicious figure. She used to walk in evenings in her only white shorts, even shorter than contemporary shorts and superman claded top. One just couldn't take off his eyes because she deserved the applaud for being unique. Rest we had many such clashes, but unluckily went in vain. My nose has still not grown out of the fragrance of a deodorant which I had from a girl's bag found beneath a bench in park. Many would agree watching that accord without "a" was everytime enchanting.

First six months rolled away in blink of eye and next six months were equally regretting and full of remorse. Getting all those things, for which we had longed for in previous six months, had actually made our lives not so beautiful as once we had expected. I did every that act which ever sprouted in my heart in last so many years and mind you, chasing those dreams were much better than possessing those as my own. Life has still a long way to travel along the trodden paths but still i admit graciously without friends, i might had become oblivious to such simple yet beautiful life.

And one thing i did even more passionately than everything else !!

Happy New Year !!

This new year eve was pretty unique unlike the last 21 eve's. Delhi-playing with harmony of celebrations-a decent restrobaar and a bunch of special friends. Buzzing streets, guzzling cars, honking horns could make anyone set in mood for new year celebrations. Deafening volumes of dj's, roaring shouts in ecstasy, clinching fists conforming the arrival of new era, it was far ahead of what my mind had imagined in last so many years about the new year bash parties. Indeed a classy act in its own, that spirit surely deserves applaud for the arrival of just one ordinary day.

My mind. A disturbed gadget had its own musings as always. Pumping back the reminiscences of good lonely days. Making a huddle, holding a simple beaten-coffee mug, munching bite of self-made cake without any icing; it says all what i require for this special moment of my life. Arms of my loving siblings hugging each other saying the sweetest songs in a monotonous tone. Phones ringing, "happy new year". This innocent mind really expecting some pack of happiness in this coming year, crossing the thoughts of some resolutions are simply needful at the moment. Staring at screens seeing people making merry for just an ordinary day makes my heart feel," kya pata, god gets impressed with our preparations for coming year so we may get some happiness in coming times".

Such were the pleasures in simplicity of life !!