Identity crisis

Human identity is the most fragile thing that we have,and it's often only found in moments of truth - Alan Rudolph

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This definition has kept changing throughout my life. Since my childhood days, I've been trying to keep my identity unique. Everybody wants to be different, wants to look different, to think different, to speak different, even to the extent of being completely different from the own surroundings.

The more you run from your values and culture, more they'll haunt you. And once you embrace your values close to your heart, all looks so serene and peaceful.

I am no different from others in this respect. When i used to go to school, I had some values which marked me different from others while some values resembles too. Born and brought up in a village, it became a matter of continuous struggle for me to prove others wrong that villagers were not illiterate.  First thought that may come to your mind at this stage or may not, but it used to be the stereotypical expression of the most that I would quit the school soon after my fifth grade. At least that was how my friends had thought about me and put me in a position to always defend my identity as a school-going kid; not a dropout working in a paddy field. Circumstances changed and brought a change to my thinking too when i left that school after tenth grade to take non medical stream for higher education. Some looked upon me with sympathy for coming to tutions from so far in chilled january mornings and some were just amused to see a kid from a village. I am right now and have been pretty sure during all these years that i look no different from other boys in my surroundings. I used to wear the same clothes as other boys, same colors like others did with some subtle differences in my accent of dialogues.

My introduction to others also keep changing with every step ahead in my life. When i joined college for my bachelors, it changed to the city Amritsar. Now i was not a big-headed fool from a village anymore. Except a very few friends, for the most I was guy just like others from Amritsar, with a little accent in their Punjabi and fond of kulchas. Those four years were different because some looked upon me with envy because of so many coaching centers in our city, which according to them helped me secured a seat in electrical stream. Yet I was just another guy from a good city for the most of the flock. It all changed again when it came to introduce myself again in New Delhi. A good part of my team was constituted by the southerners, so Punjab was enough to distinguish me from the group. Time went well for me and i made a good reputation in my small group. That reputation built up the perception for others from my state or city to be good in work too. Lived few years with reputed perception and moved on for more.

Becoming a mask for a country with more than a billion population wasn't very exciting. The identity of my village, the city and the state were long and far gone, it became a matter of country. The luck was favoring me this time, the once called big-headed fool from a village was paid all the attention being an international student from a country, known for her dominance in producing the most sharp brains and geeks in world. I enjoyed every bit of attention, but sometimes it's too heavy to keep it on your shoulders all the time. Some moments spent shrugging off this burden were memorable, doing the things not so methodically as were expected from you had given me some joyous moments. Now since I have left my previous identities far behind, sometimes i miss them. A simple student in college from yet another city, a simple kid in school trying to fight for an identity crisis which had never existed anyway and so much more of nostalgia is attached to these souvenirs from the past.

Yet it had been a good journey always being in a majority with very few moments facing the wrath of isolation. Everyone has to climb up this arduous path to bring glory to yourself and to your identity. Your identity never meant being an individual, it means a lot more than you. An identity is a mask of whole community and your actions are perceived as the cultural values of your community. Those who are wise enough never fell into this trap created by the society, rather they look for wisdom in their own thoughts to mock an individual or the whole society for one's actions.