Corporate world - Part 2

Finally after investing a good long 20 months of my life, fruit has ripened once again. One is never sure of its destiny, and same was the case with me when i left my job at Reliance Energy. Just like everyone else, i too had read enormous quotes defining the importance of taking risks in one's life. But when you face such a dilemma in real life, those quotes just fade away in no time leaving you in the middle of the road. The only factor which kept me determined and moving ahead was the frustration of learning nothing new in the corporate life. The luck favored and i landed up in US with just one hope; to learn as much as i can till this phase lasts. Money matters, but two years ago, i had enough of it to fulfill all my needs and greed.

After i landed, next 20 months passed away in a wink of eye. In these 20 months, i have lived up-to my own expectations and it still gives me a reason to smile. Others were expecting at that time too and are still expecting, but who am i to fulfill the expectations of this world. All is well that ends well, and pretty similar to such enchanting stories i too have a happy ending with a job in my hand before leaving the university. Leaving the university again made me think twice about the life in corporate sphere. But i had no other alternative, moreover i never wanted one. I accepted the job offer without any second thought. The transition to the corporate world has been very comfortable so far. Very much true to my expectations, my colleagues are very friendly and this phase will continue till our work conflicts with each other. One can work 24 hours a day in office, but next morning you again will have the same amount of work waiting for you. So in my opinion, it's better to do as much work as you think justifies your compensation. Needless to say, i too have big plans for both my personal and social sphere with the pouring money into my account.

Sitting in my office, i often think what next? I'm clueless about it...

The Gulabjamun burger

There is a time in everybody's life when he/she yearns for a little more money than what he/she possesses at that moment. For the majority, the yearning continues from the childhood till their last breath. Last weekend while eating burger at a restaurant near my place, i was as-usual complaining about the stale burger which was very neatly wrapped, placed in a clean plate in front of me. After staring at the burger for a minute and realizing that no one was going to come for my rescue, i took the first bite of that tasteless burger (wrapper said it was meant to be a spicy burger). Hurriedly i pour down half a glass of soda (soda means cold drinks in US) down my throat to get some relief from munching those bread crumbs. I took a short break before i could continue eating it again. My mind took me back to the childhood days. Whenever i think of my childhood, i always portrait myself playing in a grass field under the scorching heat of wild sun. No matter how gloomy or dark it is outside, the first impression of my own childhood remains the same.

While thinking of my childhood, my mind took me back to those wonderful school days in winters. In every break before the next class, we rushed to the playground to enjoy the warmth of sun holding few pennies in our hands. Hands tucked tightly inside the pockets and eyes staring at the canteen stall in the open playground. That canteen stall was also a reason to rush from the class as quickly as possible, so that we could buy delicious burgers for cheap. One would ask how cheap was it? I still remember very vividly those days when i could get a burger with a "Gulabjamun" sandwiched inside it just for two rupees. With the amount of pocket money i used to get during those days, i could afford to eat that burger once in a week. That special day, when i could eat the delicious burger and treat myself as a king, was always so much awaited.

The day would start nothing less than a dramatic climax. While packing my bag in the morning, i always used to tell my mom not to put too much food in my lunch-box because i would be too lazy to finish my lunch after eating the Gulabjamun burger. Giving minimum attention to what was taught in the class, my eyes were glued to the wall clock hanging just above the door. Those thirty minutes were the hardest when i used to wait for the lunch break to happen, holding the two coins in my tightly closed fists. I could wait there forever with so many thoughts running in my mind. Many times i was caught by my teacher for not paying enough attention to what was taught in class, but it could never shake my determination to stop imagining that wonderful feeling when i would own the delicious burger. As soon as the bell rang, the legs automatically cruised towards the canteen stall hiding the hands in the pockets from the chilled winter. Watching the poor guy wrapped in a pair of torn clothes at the stall used to bring such a delight to the eyes. The thought of opening up a same stall crossed my mind so many times, but luckily i never managed to gather the courage to speak out the plans to my parents.

Money and the Gulabjamun burger exchanged hands very quickly and soon enough i was at top of the world. Standing and enjoying every bite of the burger, i never bothered about the sweet drops of Gulabjamun dripping down from the burger on my white uniform shirt. Those ten minutes standing in the sun made my day. Those ten minutes summed up the value of money in my life at that time. The ten minutes were spent once in a week coming out of the mundane studies. My sympathies were always with the poor guy standing in the chilling winter, yet he never ate a burger himself. I considered him a guy possessing reasonable marketing skills. He used to sell the same burger with two Gulabjamun clubbed inside for three rupees. He was an expert in convincing the rich and fat kids to eat the super size burger. I always wondered when that day would come in my life when i could also afford this super size burger with two Gulabjamun. There were times when i split the cost of one burger with my friend, so that we both could enjoy our half burger. Many times spotting a friend in ground standing alone left me with no other option but to share my burger. The burger never seemed to be sumptuous meal, but i always relished every bite of it. I used to eat nothing after the burger before lunch, so that i could enjoy the sweetness of gulabjamun in my mouth for a long time. One week was indeed a perfect time to grow my profound taste for burger once again. The affair continued

While sitting in this not-so-elegant restaurant, I missed that appetite for the burger. The burger resting in the plate was waiting to be eaten by someone. I had no other option but to eat the stale burger. My heart felt the sadness seizing it. I felt bad for not being able to enjoy the burger at this moment, when i can actually afford it. I thought of transferring some dollars from my present to my past. I wish i had few more pennies every month in school, i would have loved to eat the super size burger with two Gulabjamun inside it. I imagined how it would feel to eat standing in middle of a school playground and being the center of attraction for everyone.  Alas, everything has changed with time. The combination was perfect with scarce resources to meet up with abundant demands, yet everybody was content. Before i could have the luxury to eat the super size burger with the addition of few more pennies in my pocket money, the poor guy left the school and also left so many hearts longing wishfully for the Gulabjamun burgers.

..

I never wanted to write this post before next week, but can't see a void in posts in April month either. So taking up this task to write a post right now on the very last day. Just three days away from what i would like to call "absolute freedom". Three more days before finishing off my course work for MS. Doing every bit possible to score as much as i can, possibly targeting for three straight A's. I shall be back very soon with loads to share and discuss upon.

Humanity vs Religion

Born and brought up in Punjab, I've read so many stories about the not-so-great past of Punjab. The partition of India in 1947 resulted in death of so many innocents on the sacred land of Punjab, The land known for its fertility was soaked with human blood of so many religions, castes and races. It took years to revive from the horror of partition (wish i could forget the war with Pakistan in 1965 and 1971). After so many struggling years, it felt Punjab was progressing on its path to peace and harmony. But the destiny was predefined, one more crises took place in 1984, Operation blue star. So many innocent Hindus and Sikhs were burnt alive in the name of religion. By the time i was born, things had calmed down a bit, but this internal war in Punjab gave everyone a scar which would never heal. When the rest of the world was embracing the new technologies with open arms, India was still struggling to maintain law and order in so many states. While others were thinking upon the ways to improve the standard of living for human life, people were divided like never before in this part of world. I read a lot about the heinous acts committed by the same humanity, whom we say is the smartest species on this Earth. Some stories narrated one side of coin, while other was bent in the favor of other side. But i had to choose a path for myself deciding what was right and wrong.

The conclusion i drew was Religion. Religion divided the humanity, it made us look foolish in the eyes of God, it made a human an enemy of humanity, peace and prosperity. Beant Singh, the former Chief Minister of Punjab, was accused of killing thousands of innocent Sikhs in the aftermath of 1984. The vengeance was taken by killing Beant Singh in bomb explosion outside his office. Did it result in the victory of those families, who had lost their loved ones? Their lives were still the same, nothing changed. None was victorious, it was a defeat for humanity. Humanity lost to Religion (Humanity-0, Religion-1).

Far away in middle east, some Islamic countries were still struggling to find a way which could suit their religious needs, and at the same time should not become a bottle-neck to the path to prosperity. Here the story was not similar to what was narrated in the above paragraph. The human was still trying to justify its living by fighting for their religion. The commandants preached by the Mohammad (The God of Islam) gave humanity a reason to spit in separate groups.  Osama Bin Laden, a hard-core Islamic fundamentalist took revenge from Americans by killing their innocent citizens. He convinced many of his followers that the only way to survive is by hatred and murder of other religions. Yesterday i was reading a discussion on Balwant Singh Rajoana where some people were calling him a martyr. If Balwant Singh is martyr, then why not Osama Bin Laden? Calling one extremist a terrorist, while other a martyr is real absurdity. But yes, [some] people in middle east still consider Osama bin laden a martyr. And humanity lost once again to religion  (Humanity-0, Religion-2).

By no means, i want to offend any follower of Islam or any other religion, but it forces me to think of the times in which we could have lived without posing any restriction on any human being by any religion. One instance came to my mind when i imagined a world free of restriction and religions.  The world of these animals and birds. I envy these birds and animals so much. Their world seemed much better place than the world we live in.  They all have same set of rules, either 0 or 1. While the humans (the so-called lucky ones) have million set of rules to separate each other on the basis of religion, caste, color, wealth etc. One kills the other to claim victory of one's religion. One hates the other to show superiority of one's race. Everyday so many people are killed- some celebrate the victory while others prepare to take vengeance. Among the thumping victorious slogans and rant of losers, the Humanity loses this battle everyday.

Rarely one would see an elephant killing another elephant or a lion hunting another lion. Why God has made this human species look so dumb in front of other living beings. Every other species have a set of rules which they never violate. All migratory birds can go where-ever they want with the change in season. But human beings can't go from one country to another. We have put so many obstructions and barriers to our path of progress. The religion which evolved due to some great souls who wanted to enlighten the humanity to show them the path of progress, must be watching [in dismay] all these acts getting unfold with passing of each day. All such obstructions and barriers standing rigid have belittle the importance of religion in my life. To me, my religion is purely and solely my business. It has nothing to do with anyone else's life. If a religion is harming my freedom in any way, that for me, is just a taboo. Atheists are better human beings, the reason being at-least they don't interfere with anyone else's business. I wish the Almighty has made us a little more dumb, so that we could have understood the importance of humanity. I gave a vent to all the disappointment and frustration building inside me through this post.

I hope better sense will prevail over humanity and more people will choose religion as a supporter of humanity, rather than its enemy.

PS- This post is not for religious fanatics.

A new world

With fingers crossed, I made a foray into a new world in January. A unique world where all that matters is either 0 or 1. Yes, probably you guessed it right: the digital world. It feels funny after working on huge power system components for last one year, i switched to take some computer engineering courses. Calculations of mega and giga watts reduced to mere 0 and 1. Output is either 0 or 1, how simple does it look? Some new languages, new operating systems and a brand new way of conceptualizing the stuff, this is all what I'll be learning (Or at-least will try to learn) in my last semester.

But these times are not the desired ones ever in my life. I'm standing on a wooden plank in midst of a vast sea, with no clue where these waves will take me. All i can do is keep flowing in the direction of tides. California, New York, Maine, New Delhi, Mumbai, Hyderabad all seem to be pretty far. I make plans and they all fade into the thin air in a wink of eye. Nothing seems certain, yet making all attempts to find the shore. Just flowing with the strong gushes of tides hoping they'll take me to a place where i will be standing among the successful and breathing the same thin air which once had eluded me from my goal. Apart from these uncertainties, there are some certainties too which always brighten up my life. Today is one such day. I wish i could express it but sometimes feelings are better understood than being said.

Yesterday I spent an unusually longer time editing my resume, or rather pondering over it. I've been involved in so many sports since childhood and fortunately still going strong. I used to play cricket (like any other Indian kid) in school and at the weekends. Though i still remember the class race in which a girl beat me in school days. During under-graduation, i played almost every game; Table tennis, chess, volleyball, basketball, lawn tennis and of course cricket. It was a time to learn something i was never very fond of. As the clock strikes 5 PM, the heart starts missing the chlorinated smell of water in the swimming pool. Since December, i've tried to be consistent in swimming and have done it well too. This one hour in a day is the most refreshing one for me. In February 2011, this feeling of entering the water used to give me jitters. A mere thought of entering into waters had never been less horrible than a dreaded nightmare. This one year i have overcome this phobia of water. I vividly remember all those unsuccessful attempts of splattering water all across the place yet couldn't stay afloat for half a minute. I used to crib why god has made this water blue (don't tell me it's transparent), a color of sadness and dullness. This phobia has been overcome; the same water which once was the color of depression has become the epitome of vastness and learning. This is the color blue which men like. Four consecutive rounds of free-stroke swimming under 2 minutes. Does it say more appropriately what i've learnt during all these times? I hope, yes.

 Last winters were undoubtedly the hardest I've ever faced in my life.  This time I'm more prepared to face the harshness once again and hopefully will see it never again. Surprisingly it has been quite warm this winters with very rare occasions of snow fall. But i do admit nothing makes a place look better than a light whitish layer of snow over the grass and edgy slopes of roof. I used to have a painting in my bedroom when i was a kid. A beautiful house was painted on a canvas depicting a sunny winter morning and a child looking out of window over the snow-covered mountains. It always fascinated me to travel to such a place, where i could actually see such landscapes. Never mind, but reality never has a stark resemblance with imagination in any measure.  While i have that surrounding beauty around me for which i always had a longing, but there are no free lunches in this world. Everything comes with a price tag. This month, i missed India like never before. Such profound memories of a place where i've spent more than twenty years of my life, will never fade away so easily.

This one thing i got as a gift, and thought nothing else would keep it closer to me than putting it on my laptop. I love it.

New post updated

New post updated on my blog at http://aseemrambani.org/

Thanks.

Spring 2012

Waiting for the start of a new dawn. A new beginning, a new semester, some new courses, but i promise not to let down the expectations of few, not to deter by the obstacles, the zeal and vigor will never lessen. Probably experiencing these harsh winters for the last time, no more lonely walks in these woods and cravings to talk to a person in real. I had chatted with my room for hours, snow had danced in front of my eyes till they were tired watching it.

Time will change and will change for good. It always reminds me of a poem which Robert Frost wrote and i read it during my bachelors. The two lines touched my heart nothing less than any magical chord-

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I-- -- I took the one less traveled by

And that has made all the difference..

But i never had an option to choose the one less traveled by. Some mightier and stronger can do so, but meant nothing for the ones with a mellow heart. Time never remains the same, it has changed. From those silent nights under the vast open sky to the hustle and bustle of a big city, the destiny has taken me to a point from where two roads diverge. And i'll take the one less traveled by and Shall it make all the difference.

One year in United States..

It all started last year, roughly at around 11.30pm on last eve of 2010. While passing through the check-posts at the Delhi International airport, a thought came to my mind: where this coming year would take me? Pretty unsure of the new land where i was heading to. I had managed to get an insight into the behavior and cultural changes, which soon would engulf me too. After handing over some papers to the immigration officer, i had little time for introspection. Working in an Indian firm for almost three years fulfilled all my dreams till then, yet i resigned from it a week ago looking for a destiny about which even i was not sure of. I had managed to settle down well in that big city of Delhi, but the fear of an insecure future was eating away all my confidence. I admit future is and will remain unsure forever, no matter how much you've achieved so far. That's why its called future. Then what forced me to quit job and i landed up in United States? The continuous fear of a stagnant growth in my professional life, a ghost i was not able get rid of. I attempted CAT, GRE, TOEFL all in one year, after an unsuccessful attempt for GATE too.  After a long struggle for six more months, i got few acceptances from universities without any funding and still a long wait for the CAT results. In last week of November 2010, i got the much awaited visa and funding for the higher studies. And here i was almost ready to board the plane for the first time in my life.

The first funny thing i got to know was about the currency of US. All notes (notes are called bills here) were of same size but on every bill different personalities were engraved, unlike India, where you could see only MK Gandhi on every bill. Yes, the plane was huge but still i was unsure how this big thing could manage to fly for hours to take me to the other side of world. I was little nervous, but then all those other folks were not foolish enough to stake their lives for few thousand dollars. I buckled up my seat belt and soon i could see that wonderful view of the capital city. The long journey ended when i got out of 30-seater plane to reach the destination at 11pm on first January. The chilling winds and an uncomfortable dizziness welcomed me to US. Nobody was there to pick me up, as most of  students had been to New York for celebrating new year and the rest were not so interested in helping me out. It was totally deserted outside the airport at mid night. A couple of other passengers had someone to pick them up at airport. I looked out for a cab and found one standing at a lonely end of road. A fat white guy was sitting inside, somehow i gathered the courage to ask him to drop me. It was a cold dark night with -18 degrees and white snow sparkling all around the place. For the first time, i had seen the snow in such abundance and it looked lovely. Then started the journey to my friend's place from the airport. Those lonely roads with not even a single car, different sign boards hanging, huge stores and coffee bars on roadsides looked very similar to what i had seen so far in Hollywood movies. Finally moving into the darker ends with just a road driving me through woods and a complete stranger was accompanying me. I had no other option, but to trust him. After one hour drive from airport, he pointed out to a house and said," gentleman, here's your destination". Far away from those coffee bars and huge stores, it was a totally deserted place with snow on rooftops, on roads, windowpanes.  As far as my eyes could see, it was all snow.

I saw the Indian guy, whom i had talked to over phone, coming out. He was expecting me too. He showed me the room to stay there for few days till i find my own accommodation. The room was a dungeon cell, and i never expected that people stay here in such a manner which i couldn't even imagine. Though it was totally carpeted floor, well ventilated, but it was nowhere closer to my expectations. I made the resolution that i would move out from this place as soon as i get a better place. It was almost mid night, and i had one black coffee and a sand-witch since morning. The other guy pointed towards the kitchen. Kitchen was stinking, and yet there was nothing cooked inside it. Two plain bread toasts and lots of water was all i ate before sleeping that night. Though i always thanked that guy who helped me voluntarily with no intentions of getting any favor from my side. The night passed without any further troubles, and helped me to relax after the long journey of 33 hours.

Next day i went to meet my professor and it was probably the first instance when i felt better after arriving in US. The university was huge, and my department had every kind of advanced tools which one could ask for in Electrical engineering.  The first few weeks were little different, i used to talk less but people were really friendly. Soon i found a new apartment with an american friend and life started becoming smoother with passing of each day. During first semester, life was all about studying and making food. It ended on a high note with two straight A's in both courses and few food recipes which i had mastered so far.  Then came the summers and i saw the snow melting unleashing the beautiful grass beneath it. I saw the beautiful greenery at a place, where i thought none other than snow can ever exist. Time was spent luxuriously making trips to Boston, New York and Salt lake city. One more semester came, and i passed it again without a single B this time too.

During all these wonderful times, hidden were some dark times. The times when i used to felt so lonely, days passed by without talking to a single person in real. Phone and internet accompanied my loneliness. So many festivals came and left without getting noticed. Diwali was spent studying for the tests, while others just lasted like status update on Facebook. This one year brought so much change in me, i value every act how-so-ever small it may be. I cherish every moment spent with my loved ones, times may not remain the same forever. I love to eat my own cooked food, and have stopped complaining about it. Human species is same everywhere, every mother in this world cares for her child. Everyone wants to be loved and every heart regrets the feelings of hatred.

The life made me learn these lessons in hard way, while rewarding me for the patience which i kept in my heart always. It's 7pm in evening, not sure about my plans for tonight. I might end up cooking food, then eating it and hoping that One day this too shall pass..