Re-inventing myself

The year 2016 is on the verge of its end, and will soon be remembered just like any other year lost somewhere in history books with some good and bad memories. This last week of the year is always a good time to ponder on the past 12 months and make a plan for the next 12 months.

There were things which i wanted to achieve in this year. I achieved some of it, while many got lost in this race of life. I always wanted to be really good at coding and i gave my best this year. Not sure if it'll help me in my work or not, but it does give a warm sense of satisfaction to take a step closer towards one of my goals. Talking about my passion for photography, i pursued it wholeheartedly this year as well by taking some good photos around me. I realized i really enjoy doing it all day. Taking the raw images of beautiful creatures of this planet and setting the tone right on software later on my laptop. I could do this all day long, if i had nothing else to do. But then i have some other hobbies for which photography can take a back seat. One of them would be setup a new phone or laptop with all the applications and settings. I absolutely love to get my hands on a new device and spent a good 2-3 hours to bring it to speed with my old device. Thankfully i'm able to quench this thirst on my work laptop and phones every year.

I understand we all go through a phase when we try to learn whatever we get our hands on. But in long run, do what you're very best at. Consider someone spending a year on typing (solely on typing and nothing else) and i bet one will be faster than me although i've spent a lot of my time doing it but it was never a focussed effort at improving my pace in typing. Similarly i've spent roughly more than ten years now learning and practicing the concepts of electricity and software. It's not any over-confidence, but a realization which comes after repeatedly working on same set of problem time and again. If there is one thing at which i can make this world a better place, it has to be the field at which i work all day all year long. Leaving this field for something better (in terms of money or work culture) will render all these years of hard work meaningless. Some kid will again spend almost three decades to learn what i know now about my field, and leaving it altogether is an insult to what i've learnt so far in my life.

Switching jobs for a better package or other incentives is perfectly fine. But leaving your area of expertise will never do any good. Consider some doctor (no matter how good a learner he/she is) taking up my job at my office. Soon the doctor will catch up with my regular work in a span of 4-5 years. But will he ever be able to have the luxury of feeling the comfort of expertise which i have. Perhaps never. I may be able to do the surgery in five year span, but my concepts of human body can never stand in front of a doctor who has spent almost a decade to learn this human body before operating upon it. If i ever have a chance to make an impact in this world (no matter how insignificant it would be), it has to be in my area of expertise. And we need to nurture our passion by learning something new everyday about it.

Next year will be no different again. Will continue to learn the new techniques and will unlearn some obsolete ones as well. I'll continue to find small pieces of joy in laughter of my loved ones and small bits of success at work. Will try to travel a bit more this year internationally after covering more than 15 states in last two years. May it bring the peace in this world and a spark of light at the end of tunnel for those hoping for it.

My carry bag

I remember writing a post on my carry bag sometime in year 2008 (yes, six years ago). While sitting in the library today, i again thought my carry bag and realized how much it has changed in last 5 years.

The link to my previous post - Here

Well comparing to my previous bag, now i carry an altogether different bag. It sits comfortably on two wheels at the base and is easy to move around. It is black in color with lots of zipped pockets on each sides as well as in front. It has a handle on the top to drive it around at the airport terminals. Inside the front pocket of bag, there is my blackberry phone charger and car keys if i'm not carrying those in my pocket. In the next pocket, i keep my wallet on one side and my vpn token and a pack of mint in the other pocket. This pocket is easily accessible from the top and sideways, hence keep my wallet in there. Then there is a small zipper before the big compartment, it carries 4-5 pens, my office login card and few broken lead pencils. I always want to keep this pocket tidy, but can't think of any other place where i could keep all this useless pens and pencils.

It carries two big compartments, both well padded to keep the delicate electronic stuff inside it. One big pocket carries my dell 17" workstation and other one carries a portable monitor of same size. There are very few shoulder bags available in market which could fit in a 17" laptop and a monitor, so i went with this bag. Since i work from the library or home on regular basis, it is always easier to carry a portable monitor with me to ensure my work doesn't suffer. Then there is a back pocket almost as big as the laptop pockets. I keep my laptop charger and my food in this pocket. One could find the oat crumbs in it from my oat bars or usual spicy aroma from Indian food. Once in a while, it would also carry extra popcorn packets to cover my appetite during extended work hours. Then there are some silica gel packets in almost all the pockets to soak all the moisture inside the bag.

It has almost all the stuff i would need on a regular working day. And yes, it does get the weekend off by laying off in my study room from friday night till monday morning. And then the race starts again..

Life's goal

So what exactly drives our lives? Is it the number i discussed in my last post. People work their ass off to make it big and some die without even a single penny. Do we live to earn or earn to live?

One thing is pretty sure - I don't earn to live. If that would have been the case of my life, i wouldn't be working more than 3-4 hours a day to meet the ends. I work to earn and live. My work help me meet my needs and more importantly drives my life. I work to live and live to work. Every night when i go to sleep, i'm excited about the work i did that day; and even more excited thinking about the work i would do next day. I have some boring days in my schedule when things don't go as planned. But then i understand the financial side of my job too that it serves my needs.

But then the work which i do won't remain the same five years from now. Will it be adventurous enough to keep me tied? I'm the one who needs to find out and work towards it. I'm the one who needs to make it more adventurous as i move forward on my career path. Not everyone is lucky to love their jobs; but we can make it more exciting. There will always be some scope of improvement. That 'scope of improvement' drives my life.

The story of desk

So when i moved to Tampa last year after my marriage, i wanted a bigger wooden desk to setup my workstation at home. Since i would be working from home 3 days a week, i was never going to compromise with the dimensions or quality of the desk. During my masters, i had a huge wooden desk - and i was equally fond of it. But we parted ways after my graduation as it was too huge to carry over from Maine to Florida. Then i bought a nice big desk which served more than its purpose for next couple of years.

So last year around August, i started searching for a wooden desk online and by visiting stores (and this time more seriously since i would be using it a lot), but found none. To make things worse, my wife suggested me (or was it an order?) not to buy a very huge desk, as it would hinder walking in the room.Finally after going through all the tables available, i ordered one online. It seemed like a perfect fit for my room. And yes, it got placed perfectly in a small corner of my room, - but wasn't large enough to keep my two monitors together with laptop. You must be wondering how dare i insulted this nice table with such an illogical reasoning. Who in the world would place two monitors and a laptop together in a room? Yes, i do this. Same expressions were on my wife's face when i addressed my issues to her (not so very convincingly though). We decided to start using it as i couldn't afford even a day without it for my office work, besides we would keep an eye for a bigger and nicer desk.

It's been more than a year now. Every morning when i start using my laptop, i always think of replacing it with something better. Only God knows when that lucky day would come in my life. But using this not-so-big table has made me fond of it too. When i get up from this table after finishing some important project or some random work, i always appreciate the way it has served me for past one year without complaining of any wear-tear or anything. And yet I've always undervalued its worth in search for something better. Sometimes when i walk into my room to see this perfectly sized table well dressed with books and my monitors, i always cherish it.

But one fine day, i'll throw you out of my balcony for something bigger and nicer. Till then, be my guest.

Contentment part-2

I talked about contentment in my last post about how i, as a kid, was more-or-less content with my life. I wouldn't say i had all the luxuries at my expense, but my parents gave me enough to make me feel fortunate. When i would see someone's parents working so hard as rickshaw-pullers or bus drivers, it made me realize the importance of every penny my parents had spent on me. Studying in a normal school (and not in convent) opened me up to all corners of world. Some kids from those corners where dogs were fed the cooked meat  at the weekend parties - while some from those corners where people ate the leftovers. When I would see kids sittings besides me wearing worn-out shoes, how in world could i muster the courage to ask my parents to get me a new pair of shoes simply because i'm fed up of wearing these for two months. I might muster the courage to ask my parents for another pair of shoes, and i might get one too. But my conscience would have felt ashamed next day sitting right next to that boy who still seemed happy in his old shoes.

As we grow up, these short stories get lost in this race to achieve some short-sighted goals of life. Once in a while, these memories would cross your mind when you see some kid walking down on road with bare feet under scorching sun. These memories would make you forget your worries to fix your car's AC or looking for a better apartment. But this moment doesn't last long. You forget all those faces of kids who once were your companions in school, but couldn't make it to an expensive college like yours. You might boast to snatch the credit by giving excuses of putting so many years of hard work, but deep down in your heart you also knew that those faces were more than capable of achieving what you have achieved in your life so far. Not pointing fingers towards anyone, i myself have forgotten so many faces which got lost in this race. I still vividly remember one such face, and i can say with all my belief that he would have got miles ahead of me in this race, had he gotten the luck with which i came into this world.

Such feelings make me realize the importance of everything i possess in my life. It makes me feel satisfied with whatever i possess. When i go to sleep at night, sometimes i smile and feel happier about the smallest of tasks which i completed that day. These small moments bring the joys of life which sometimes grand achievement fail to do..

My frame

Many times we come across people in buses or trains generalizing the mindset of society in one liners like - We, Indians, can never be honest in dealing financial matters. It may be true or may not be so, but i'm not going to judge people or our society here. Been here in US for more than four years now, I've come across this question many times. For instance, once my fellow traveler while coming to India said something like 'As soon as you reach Asia, you find noisy people boarding planes and creating chaos everywhere'. I didn't react to his sudden outburst, but passed a smile. As an Asian myself (not sure what exactly is the criteria for being called an Asian, and for how long can i continue to be one of them), i was in agreement that Asian people posses less patience compared to their western fellows. But this perception is also confined to only what i've experienced so far at airports. Neither am i an avid traveler nor a visionary that one should believe what i perceive as right or wrong in my frame of world.

But then question arises - Is it really so? And if yes, why is it so?

One fine morning i was walking down my hotel's elevator in New York. I was in a hurry for a meeting at one of our client's office which was ten blocks away from my hotel. As i came out of my elevator, an old lady was standing besides the door carrying a heavy suitcase. Before she could move her feet to get near it, people around her rushed into the elevator and there was no space for her again. Next elevator came to a halt. One pack exited and another entered the elevator with same intensity and she was standing still at her place. I approached her to ask if i could lend her a helping hand to which she graciously agreed.

Due to this incident, i got late for my scheduled appointment. But the contentment of helping someone took over the little disappointment caused by being late. The same question arises- Do Asians posses less patience than their western counterparts? Not really in this frame of world.

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Update May 15th

The intent for the above writing was to showcase that people are same all around the world with some differences in terms of culture, race, religion, habits - But when it comes to survival, all react in same manner. We all will do what we deem is beneficial for us. Then we think of our loved ones, and then society. One can't compare the skills or habits of two persons who have been brought up in two different worlds all together. This is a great shame that it still occurs so commonly in this world. So, next time you're about to make a judgement on a person based upon his/her looks, clothes or color- think twice. 

Ride part-II

The ride discussed is part 1 is all about the painstaking mornings when i need to wake up early to reach office in time. Morning traffic is another battle which is fought week after week to avoid the delay. Contrary to above struggles, the ride back home is always pleasant. The most important reason for these pleasant rides is my wife who would call me every half an hour after 3pm to convince me to leave office early. I try to leave as early as possible, but then doing it so often won't justify the reason for which i come to office.

I usually leave office around 4:30 pm (assuming my attempt to reach office before 8:00 am is successful). Once i reach outskirts of city, i would call my wife to tell her that i've left from office. Next one hour drive is more or less same all the time. There's no traffic on the highway, so i can drive looking around the beautiful sights of settling sun and green fields. There is another city which lies midway from my office on the way to home. By the time i that city, it would get dark already. Once i safely get out of this city, the task already seems finished. The last one hour is always spent thinking about dinner. Like everyone, i too want to reach home as early as possible. I've to keep telling myself not to over-speed during this last one hour.

By the time i reach home, it's already very dark. Despite spending last ten hours in office, the drive back home is always smooth and joyful. I never get tired driving back home. Although it's only wednesday, it would feel like the weekend is here already. This tale of riding to office and coming back home repeats itself every week, and hopefully will continue for some more time as well.

The Ride

To compensate for working remotely, i go to my office once in a week. I stay there with my friend for a night and start my next working day early in morning, so that i could leave for home early in evening. These two days in my weekly schedule are the most arduous ones, if not necessarily the most productive ones. I try to keep the schedule same every week, but sometimes i need to chalk out the alternate days depending upon holidays, vacations or my wife's work schedule.

I read somewhere that "Predictability is good", and this post has somehow reinstated my belief in it. On the usual weekdays, i try to keep Tuesday and Wednesday for my office visit and i try not to reschedule it for minor reasons. The hard part is always getting up early on Tuesday so that i could reach office before 9:15am. Once all set to leave, things get easier once i hit the road for next 150 minutes of journey. I would prefer skipping the first half because most of it goes into getting out of city and its traffic, which can engulf you on the bad days. While the other half resembles a roller-coaster ride where you enjoy the scenic beauty and are often lost into day-dreaming which gets disturbed by the rare moment of a passing car. At that moment, i forget about all the hurries and hassles in world. If i could, i would just keep driving on that straight endless road surrounded with the scenic green pasture fields. If i had time, i would keep staring at the cattle grazing in those green fields. But these moments are often perturbed by the ringing of my phone. Most of the times i would be in office before 9:30am if not stuck in a bad traffic.

While driving to work in morning

This concludes the initial phase of my work week, which i would say is a hard one, but sometimes can be succeeded by even more tougher phases work permitting. Let's keep the rest for the next post...

Saturday night musings

Through the same window posted in my previous post, i keep staring at the burning lamp pole at night. It's raining outside, making it look even more clear and beautiful than ever. The wet drops lying on road makes a swooshing sound whenever a car passes through the pole.  The beaming lights of car makes those rain drops on the road look ever more beautiful.

Such moments make me feel as if life is all about enjoying these moments unhurriedly. Lying on my bed and looking through the window makes me think over again and again, " Is that how i should spend my life?' I'm not in a hurry to sleep early. I don't have an office to attend tomorrow, I've the leisure to feel the serenity of this nature for a while. That's how life must be spent. While looking down at the road, i might feel sleepy. Once in a while a passing car wakes me up by splashing the water droplets from its running wheels. Till then i can have the liberty to witness this beauty with my tired eyes still looking for something among those scattered droplets.

End of an era..

1. God retires..

Hardly there would be anyone in India who was born in 1980's and haven't heard about Sachin Tendulkar. The name itself speaks for the class and temperament of a man (also known as GOD in India), who single-handedly could change the mood of millions with the swing of his bat. His ton used to be post-talk of the town for the entire week. Schools, grocery stores, colleges, Govt offices, private corporations; none could ignore the charisma of that man.

I remember vividly my childhood days, when Sachin was yet to become what he was destined for. He was just another member in cricket squad, some commentators yet giving me some undue attention for his younger age. It took him 96 one-day matches to prove his worth, after scoring his first ton. As he played more and more matches, his stature started building in the minds of cricket fans. Every parent wanted to name their child after the great Sachin, every child wanted to become Sachin Tendulkar, or atleast wanted to fulfill their dreams by atleast acting so. May it be school matches or in colony, every opener never considered him less than Sachin. At that age, we never thought that a day would come when we won't be able to see our star in action anymore. We just wanted him to play and play and play forever till eternity. As soon as he used to come out to bat, there were prayers on everyone's mind and a heart wishing him the very best all over again. Although not even a single person would want him to get out, but this game broke the heart of many fans time and again. The time Sachin used to get out, tv sets were instantly switched off and everyone cursing the fortunate bowler who would have never forgotten the moment when he claimed that priceless wicket of Sachin. A feelings of disgust took over the whole country.

Irrespective of your age, gender and profession, he was on everyone's mind. I still remember vividly turning off my television as soon as he got out, and this trend continued for over a decade. Now since he has retired, I wonder for whom will I love this game again as I have loved it for all these years..

Beneath the helmet, under that unruly curly hair, inside the cranium, there is something we don't know, something beyond scientific measure. Something that allows him to soar, to roam a territory of sport that, forget us, even those who are gifted enough to play alongside him cannot even fathom. When he goes out to bat, people switch on their TV sets and switch off their lives.

2. India awakening..

The girl sacrificed her life to awaken this nation from her long slumber. The decision to shift her to Singapore came after she suffered a cardiac arrhythmia at Safdarjung hospital. Armed forces asked Govt to shift her to Pune, as AFMS has the best team of doctors currently available in whole Asia. AFMC also agreed to do the full Intestinal transplant at their centre. But Govt knew it very well that they won't be able to handle the situation in India, in case she dies. Fortis team suggested that private hospitals are much better equipped than Singapore one. But neither was she shifted to AFMC Pune, nor to any other super-specialty centre. Hence she was shifted to Singapore solely based on political interests. Safdarjung team (all govt employees) announced that she'll be treated under the supervision of Naresh Trehan (Padam Shri and Padam Bhushan) at Singapore. None of these experts would openly go against the regime. Private hospitals who could've handled it didn't want to risk image hit in case she dies. The girl finally succumbed to her injuries, landing a tight slap on the face of this shameless nation, who calls herself rich in culture and human values.

The protests which took place in the aftermath of this horrible crime give me a hope that India is no-more unaffected to what happens to our neighbors. We are not going to tolerate it anymore, But we still need to take a rational approach for bringing the change in society. In my opinion, neither laws nor strict punishments can deter such criminals from committing these acts. The charity must begin from home. It must start from the moment a baby is born. We need to teach them to respect everyone as humans. Nothing else could have summed up the feelings of entire nation better than these poetic lines:

With the passage of time, the candles shall burn out and lose their flame...
The flowers offered with devotion, shall in the absence of water, get dry and weathered out...
The voices of protest both vocal and silent, shall lose their strength...
But the 'fearless' ( nirbhayata) fire that has been ignited, shall rekindle the flames in our hearts...
The waterless dry and weathered flowers, shall be brought to life drenched by the tears in our eyes...
With a burning throat the soul of 'Damini' and 'Amaanat', shall be voiced in the entire universe...
That I am the mother, sister and daughter of my Bharat...
Respect and dignity are my birthright possessions...
Bharat the country is my Mother...
Forget about me, become at least the recognised worthy face of your Mother..!!”

Classic Cafe Latté

Since last week, I was thinking to write about my various encounters with Coffee. Since childhood, Coffee has amazed me like none other beverage. As a child, i was allowed to have coffee very rarely due to many reasons. The main reason which was always told to me upon asking for it, was that it could affect our blood pressure. As a child, this naivé explanation always proved to be sufficient enough to convince me. Sometimes in hot summers, i was allowed to have coffee shakes. In a nutshell, the sole reason that i had always enjoyed coffee was because it was rarely served to me.

During my college years, i was again not a very big fan of coffee. A busy five day college-hostel schedule followed by frequent visits to home left me with no time to enjoy the simple yet beautiful luxuries of life. During winters, coffee came to my rescue many times while waiting at cafeteria in free time. The time passed very fast that i couldn't do anything but ignore such pleasures. Then as i moved to New Delhi, the visits to coffee bars became more frequent with friends and colleagues. During this 3 year tenure in Delhi, i developed an addictive taste for coffee. Perhaps i should not say addictive, as i never made coffee at home, i was just happy sipping it at coffee bars. Among all the flavors  i always liked simple classic cafe latté. I always preferred it with light flavor of coffee with lots of milk (creamer) and sugar. So far so good. Life was enjoying its good terms with cafe latté and then what happened was least expected.

I came to US of America for my higher studies and was confronted with another flavor of coffee. Never heard of and never seen anywhere before: Black coffee. As i boarded my last flight Philadelphia to Bangor (while coming from India directly), the lady flight attendant asked me gently if i would like to take something. Since it was only an hour flight, i asked if she could serve me coffee. I was already feeling drowsy after travelling for last 30 hours. I took the sip through straw (that's how people in US sip coffee) and it hit me as if i had consumed some bitter poison. There was neither any sugar nor any milk in it. To make matter worse, she said they didn't offer sugar or milk packets during flights. After this harrowing first experience with black coffee, i didn't even try to touch it for next few months. Occasionally i took juice or soda (soda means coke or pepsi) instead of coffee whenever i went out with friends.

Once again i mustered courage to try it, but this time with some milk. But all in vain. After this unforgettable experience, i swore i won't drink it ever again. During all these months, i craved for that classic cafe latté even more. I remained loyal to my own home made recipe of coffee by adding one teaspoon of coffee and sugar in hot milk. Then again time changed and changed everything with it. I moved to Florida for my new job. Within my first week, i found it difficult to sit at one place for the whole day starring at computer screen. My colleagues seemed to enjoy the office hours. They frequently took breaks and were seen many times hovering around coffee machine. One day out of sheer boredom, i went to that coffee maker machine. There was a big refrigerator to its one side where many colleagues had put their lunch boxes and other beverages, while the other side was stacked with two microwaves and an oven for office use. My manager (an American) pointed out two milk bottles to me and said, "These are for common use". My eyes glittered and i came back to my cabin to see whether i can use my coffee mug for microwave use.

And since that day, Classic cafe latté still holds its charm..

Corporate world - Part 2

Finally after investing a good long 20 months of my life, fruit has ripened once again. One is never sure of its destiny, and same was the case with me when i left my job at Reliance Energy. Just like everyone else, i too had read enormous quotes defining the importance of taking risks in one's life. But when you face such a dilemma in real life, those quotes just fade away in no time leaving you in the middle of the road. The only factor which kept me determined and moving ahead was the frustration of learning nothing new in the corporate life. The luck favored and i landed up in US with just one hope; to learn as much as i can till this phase lasts. Money matters, but two years ago, i had enough of it to fulfill all my needs and greed.

After i landed, next 20 months passed away in a wink of eye. In these 20 months, i have lived up-to my own expectations and it still gives me a reason to smile. Others were expecting at that time too and are still expecting, but who am i to fulfill the expectations of this world. All is well that ends well, and pretty similar to such enchanting stories i too have a happy ending with a job in my hand before leaving the university. Leaving the university again made me think twice about the life in corporate sphere. But i had no other alternative, moreover i never wanted one. I accepted the job offer without any second thought. The transition to the corporate world has been very comfortable so far. Very much true to my expectations, my colleagues are very friendly and this phase will continue till our work conflicts with each other. One can work 24 hours a day in office, but next morning you again will have the same amount of work waiting for you. So in my opinion, it's better to do as much work as you think justifies your compensation. Needless to say, i too have big plans for both my personal and social sphere with the pouring money into my account.

Sitting in my office, i often think what next? I'm clueless about it...

The Gulabjamun burger

There is a time in everybody's life when he/she yearns for a little more money than what he/she possesses at that moment. For the majority, the yearning continues from the childhood till their last breath. Last weekend while eating burger at a restaurant near my place, i was as-usual complaining about the stale burger which was very neatly wrapped, placed in a clean plate in front of me. After staring at the burger for a minute and realizing that no one was going to come for my rescue, i took the first bite of that tasteless burger (wrapper said it was meant to be a spicy burger). Hurriedly i pour down half a glass of soda (soda means cold drinks in US) down my throat to get some relief from munching those bread crumbs. I took a short break before i could continue eating it again. My mind took me back to the childhood days. Whenever i think of my childhood, i always portrait myself playing in a grass field under the scorching heat of wild sun. No matter how gloomy or dark it is outside, the first impression of my own childhood remains the same.

While thinking of my childhood, my mind took me back to those wonderful school days in winters. In every break before the next class, we rushed to the playground to enjoy the warmth of sun holding few pennies in our hands. Hands tucked tightly inside the pockets and eyes staring at the canteen stall in the open playground. That canteen stall was also a reason to rush from the class as quickly as possible, so that we could buy delicious burgers for cheap. One would ask how cheap was it? I still remember very vividly those days when i could get a burger with a "Gulabjamun" sandwiched inside it just for two rupees. With the amount of pocket money i used to get during those days, i could afford to eat that burger once in a week. That special day, when i could eat the delicious burger and treat myself as a king, was always so much awaited.

The day would start nothing less than a dramatic climax. While packing my bag in the morning, i always used to tell my mom not to put too much food in my lunch-box because i would be too lazy to finish my lunch after eating the Gulabjamun burger. Giving minimum attention to what was taught in the class, my eyes were glued to the wall clock hanging just above the door. Those thirty minutes were the hardest when i used to wait for the lunch break to happen, holding the two coins in my tightly closed fists. I could wait there forever with so many thoughts running in my mind. Many times i was caught by my teacher for not paying enough attention to what was taught in class, but it could never shake my determination to stop imagining that wonderful feeling when i would own the delicious burger. As soon as the bell rang, the legs automatically cruised towards the canteen stall hiding the hands in the pockets from the chilled winter. Watching the poor guy wrapped in a pair of torn clothes at the stall used to bring such a delight to the eyes. The thought of opening up a same stall crossed my mind so many times, but luckily i never managed to gather the courage to speak out the plans to my parents.

Money and the Gulabjamun burger exchanged hands very quickly and soon enough i was at top of the world. Standing and enjoying every bite of the burger, i never bothered about the sweet drops of Gulabjamun dripping down from the burger on my white uniform shirt. Those ten minutes standing in the sun made my day. Those ten minutes summed up the value of money in my life at that time. The ten minutes were spent once in a week coming out of the mundane studies. My sympathies were always with the poor guy standing in the chilling winter, yet he never ate a burger himself. I considered him a guy possessing reasonable marketing skills. He used to sell the same burger with two Gulabjamun clubbed inside for three rupees. He was an expert in convincing the rich and fat kids to eat the super size burger. I always wondered when that day would come in my life when i could also afford this super size burger with two Gulabjamun. There were times when i split the cost of one burger with my friend, so that we both could enjoy our half burger. Many times spotting a friend in ground standing alone left me with no other option but to share my burger. The burger never seemed to be sumptuous meal, but i always relished every bite of it. I used to eat nothing after the burger before lunch, so that i could enjoy the sweetness of gulabjamun in my mouth for a long time. One week was indeed a perfect time to grow my profound taste for burger once again. The affair continued

While sitting in this not-so-elegant restaurant, I missed that appetite for the burger. The burger resting in the plate was waiting to be eaten by someone. I had no other option but to eat the stale burger. My heart felt the sadness seizing it. I felt bad for not being able to enjoy the burger at this moment, when i can actually afford it. I thought of transferring some dollars from my present to my past. I wish i had few more pennies every month in school, i would have loved to eat the super size burger with two Gulabjamun inside it. I imagined how it would feel to eat standing in middle of a school playground and being the center of attraction for everyone.  Alas, everything has changed with time. The combination was perfect with scarce resources to meet up with abundant demands, yet everybody was content. Before i could have the luxury to eat the super size burger with the addition of few more pennies in my pocket money, the poor guy left the school and also left so many hearts longing wishfully for the Gulabjamun burgers.

..

I never wanted to write this post before next week, but can't see a void in posts in April month either. So taking up this task to write a post right now on the very last day. Just three days away from what i would like to call "absolute freedom". Three more days before finishing off my course work for MS. Doing every bit possible to score as much as i can, possibly targeting for three straight A's. I shall be back very soon with loads to share and discuss upon.

Humanity vs Religion

Born and brought up in Punjab, I've read so many stories about the not-so-great past of Punjab. The partition of India in 1947 resulted in death of so many innocents on the sacred land of Punjab, The land known for its fertility was soaked with human blood of so many religions, castes and races. It took years to revive from the horror of partition (wish i could forget the war with Pakistan in 1965 and 1971). After so many struggling years, it felt Punjab was progressing on its path to peace and harmony. But the destiny was predefined, one more crises took place in 1984, Operation blue star. So many innocent Hindus and Sikhs were burnt alive in the name of religion. By the time i was born, things had calmed down a bit, but this internal war in Punjab gave everyone a scar which would never heal. When the rest of the world was embracing the new technologies with open arms, India was still struggling to maintain law and order in so many states. While others were thinking upon the ways to improve the standard of living for human life, people were divided like never before in this part of world. I read a lot about the heinous acts committed by the same humanity, whom we say is the smartest species on this Earth. Some stories narrated one side of coin, while other was bent in the favor of other side. But i had to choose a path for myself deciding what was right and wrong.

The conclusion i drew was Religion. Religion divided the humanity, it made us look foolish in the eyes of God, it made a human an enemy of humanity, peace and prosperity. Beant Singh, the former Chief Minister of Punjab, was accused of killing thousands of innocent Sikhs in the aftermath of 1984. The vengeance was taken by killing Beant Singh in bomb explosion outside his office. Did it result in the victory of those families, who had lost their loved ones? Their lives were still the same, nothing changed. None was victorious, it was a defeat for humanity. Humanity lost to Religion (Humanity-0, Religion-1).

Far away in middle east, some Islamic countries were still struggling to find a way which could suit their religious needs, and at the same time should not become a bottle-neck to the path to prosperity. Here the story was not similar to what was narrated in the above paragraph. The human was still trying to justify its living by fighting for their religion. The commandants preached by the Mohammad (The God of Islam) gave humanity a reason to spit in separate groups.  Osama Bin Laden, a hard-core Islamic fundamentalist took revenge from Americans by killing their innocent citizens. He convinced many of his followers that the only way to survive is by hatred and murder of other religions. Yesterday i was reading a discussion on Balwant Singh Rajoana where some people were calling him a martyr. If Balwant Singh is martyr, then why not Osama Bin Laden? Calling one extremist a terrorist, while other a martyr is real absurdity. But yes, [some] people in middle east still consider Osama bin laden a martyr. And humanity lost once again to religion  (Humanity-0, Religion-2).

By no means, i want to offend any follower of Islam or any other religion, but it forces me to think of the times in which we could have lived without posing any restriction on any human being by any religion. One instance came to my mind when i imagined a world free of restriction and religions.  The world of these animals and birds. I envy these birds and animals so much. Their world seemed much better place than the world we live in.  They all have same set of rules, either 0 or 1. While the humans (the so-called lucky ones) have million set of rules to separate each other on the basis of religion, caste, color, wealth etc. One kills the other to claim victory of one's religion. One hates the other to show superiority of one's race. Everyday so many people are killed- some celebrate the victory while others prepare to take vengeance. Among the thumping victorious slogans and rant of losers, the Humanity loses this battle everyday.

Rarely one would see an elephant killing another elephant or a lion hunting another lion. Why God has made this human species look so dumb in front of other living beings. Every other species have a set of rules which they never violate. All migratory birds can go where-ever they want with the change in season. But human beings can't go from one country to another. We have put so many obstructions and barriers to our path of progress. The religion which evolved due to some great souls who wanted to enlighten the humanity to show them the path of progress, must be watching [in dismay] all these acts getting unfold with passing of each day. All such obstructions and barriers standing rigid have belittle the importance of religion in my life. To me, my religion is purely and solely my business. It has nothing to do with anyone else's life. If a religion is harming my freedom in any way, that for me, is just a taboo. Atheists are better human beings, the reason being at-least they don't interfere with anyone else's business. I wish the Almighty has made us a little more dumb, so that we could have understood the importance of humanity. I gave a vent to all the disappointment and frustration building inside me through this post.

I hope better sense will prevail over humanity and more people will choose religion as a supporter of humanity, rather than its enemy.

PS- This post is not for religious fanatics.

A new world

With fingers crossed, I made a foray into a new world in January. A unique world where all that matters is either 0 or 1. Yes, probably you guessed it right: the digital world. It feels funny after working on huge power system components for last one year, i switched to take some computer engineering courses. Calculations of mega and giga watts reduced to mere 0 and 1. Output is either 0 or 1, how simple does it look? Some new languages, new operating systems and a brand new way of conceptualizing the stuff, this is all what I'll be learning (Or at-least will try to learn) in my last semester.

But these times are not the desired ones ever in my life. I'm standing on a wooden plank in midst of a vast sea, with no clue where these waves will take me. All i can do is keep flowing in the direction of tides. California, New York, Maine, New Delhi, Mumbai, Hyderabad all seem to be pretty far. I make plans and they all fade into the thin air in a wink of eye. Nothing seems certain, yet making all attempts to find the shore. Just flowing with the strong gushes of tides hoping they'll take me to a place where i will be standing among the successful and breathing the same thin air which once had eluded me from my goal. Apart from these uncertainties, there are some certainties too which always brighten up my life. Today is one such day. I wish i could express it but sometimes feelings are better understood than being said.

Yesterday I spent an unusually longer time editing my resume, or rather pondering over it. I've been involved in so many sports since childhood and fortunately still going strong. I used to play cricket (like any other Indian kid) in school and at the weekends. Though i still remember the class race in which a girl beat me in school days. During under-graduation, i played almost every game; Table tennis, chess, volleyball, basketball, lawn tennis and of course cricket. It was a time to learn something i was never very fond of. As the clock strikes 5 PM, the heart starts missing the chlorinated smell of water in the swimming pool. Since December, i've tried to be consistent in swimming and have done it well too. This one hour in a day is the most refreshing one for me. In February 2011, this feeling of entering the water used to give me jitters. A mere thought of entering into waters had never been less horrible than a dreaded nightmare. This one year i have overcome this phobia of water. I vividly remember all those unsuccessful attempts of splattering water all across the place yet couldn't stay afloat for half a minute. I used to crib why god has made this water blue (don't tell me it's transparent), a color of sadness and dullness. This phobia has been overcome; the same water which once was the color of depression has become the epitome of vastness and learning. This is the color blue which men like. Four consecutive rounds of free-stroke swimming under 2 minutes. Does it say more appropriately what i've learnt during all these times? I hope, yes.

 Last winters were undoubtedly the hardest I've ever faced in my life.  This time I'm more prepared to face the harshness once again and hopefully will see it never again. Surprisingly it has been quite warm this winters with very rare occasions of snow fall. But i do admit nothing makes a place look better than a light whitish layer of snow over the grass and edgy slopes of roof. I used to have a painting in my bedroom when i was a kid. A beautiful house was painted on a canvas depicting a sunny winter morning and a child looking out of window over the snow-covered mountains. It always fascinated me to travel to such a place, where i could actually see such landscapes. Never mind, but reality never has a stark resemblance with imagination in any measure.  While i have that surrounding beauty around me for which i always had a longing, but there are no free lunches in this world. Everything comes with a price tag. This month, i missed India like never before. Such profound memories of a place where i've spent more than twenty years of my life, will never fade away so easily.

This one thing i got as a gift, and thought nothing else would keep it closer to me than putting it on my laptop. I love it.

Spring 2012

Waiting for the start of a new dawn. A new beginning, a new semester, some new courses, but i promise not to let down the expectations of few, not to deter by the obstacles, the zeal and vigor will never lessen. Probably experiencing these harsh winters for the last time, no more lonely walks in these woods and cravings to talk to a person in real. I had chatted with my room for hours, snow had danced in front of my eyes till they were tired watching it.

Time will change and will change for good. It always reminds me of a poem which Robert Frost wrote and i read it during my bachelors. The two lines touched my heart nothing less than any magical chord-

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I-- -- I took the one less traveled by

And that has made all the difference..

But i never had an option to choose the one less traveled by. Some mightier and stronger can do so, but meant nothing for the ones with a mellow heart. Time never remains the same, it has changed. From those silent nights under the vast open sky to the hustle and bustle of a big city, the destiny has taken me to a point from where two roads diverge. And i'll take the one less traveled by and Shall it make all the difference.

One year in United States..

It all started last year, roughly at around 11.30pm on last eve of 2010. While passing through the check-posts at the Delhi International airport, a thought came to my mind: where this coming year would take me? Pretty unsure of the new land where i was heading to. I had managed to get an insight into the behavior and cultural changes, which soon would engulf me too. After handing over some papers to the immigration officer, i had little time for introspection. Working in an Indian firm for almost three years fulfilled all my dreams till then, yet i resigned from it a week ago looking for a destiny about which even i was not sure of. I had managed to settle down well in that big city of Delhi, but the fear of an insecure future was eating away all my confidence. I admit future is and will remain unsure forever, no matter how much you've achieved so far. That's why its called future. Then what forced me to quit job and i landed up in United States? The continuous fear of a stagnant growth in my professional life, a ghost i was not able get rid of. I attempted CAT, GRE, TOEFL all in one year, after an unsuccessful attempt for GATE too.  After a long struggle for six more months, i got few acceptances from universities without any funding and still a long wait for the CAT results. In last week of November 2010, i got the much awaited visa and funding for the higher studies. And here i was almost ready to board the plane for the first time in my life.

The first funny thing i got to know was about the currency of US. All notes (notes are called bills here) were of same size but on every bill different personalities were engraved, unlike India, where you could see only MK Gandhi on every bill. Yes, the plane was huge but still i was unsure how this big thing could manage to fly for hours to take me to the other side of world. I was little nervous, but then all those other folks were not foolish enough to stake their lives for few thousand dollars. I buckled up my seat belt and soon i could see that wonderful view of the capital city. The long journey ended when i got out of 30-seater plane to reach the destination at 11pm on first January. The chilling winds and an uncomfortable dizziness welcomed me to US. Nobody was there to pick me up, as most of  students had been to New York for celebrating new year and the rest were not so interested in helping me out. It was totally deserted outside the airport at mid night. A couple of other passengers had someone to pick them up at airport. I looked out for a cab and found one standing at a lonely end of road. A fat white guy was sitting inside, somehow i gathered the courage to ask him to drop me. It was a cold dark night with -18 degrees and white snow sparkling all around the place. For the first time, i had seen the snow in such abundance and it looked lovely. Then started the journey to my friend's place from the airport. Those lonely roads with not even a single car, different sign boards hanging, huge stores and coffee bars on roadsides looked very similar to what i had seen so far in Hollywood movies. Finally moving into the darker ends with just a road driving me through woods and a complete stranger was accompanying me. I had no other option, but to trust him. After one hour drive from airport, he pointed out to a house and said," gentleman, here's your destination". Far away from those coffee bars and huge stores, it was a totally deserted place with snow on rooftops, on roads, windowpanes.  As far as my eyes could see, it was all snow.

I saw the Indian guy, whom i had talked to over phone, coming out. He was expecting me too. He showed me the room to stay there for few days till i find my own accommodation. The room was a dungeon cell, and i never expected that people stay here in such a manner which i couldn't even imagine. Though it was totally carpeted floor, well ventilated, but it was nowhere closer to my expectations. I made the resolution that i would move out from this place as soon as i get a better place. It was almost mid night, and i had one black coffee and a sand-witch since morning. The other guy pointed towards the kitchen. Kitchen was stinking, and yet there was nothing cooked inside it. Two plain bread toasts and lots of water was all i ate before sleeping that night. Though i always thanked that guy who helped me voluntarily with no intentions of getting any favor from my side. The night passed without any further troubles, and helped me to relax after the long journey of 33 hours.

Next day i went to meet my professor and it was probably the first instance when i felt better after arriving in US. The university was huge, and my department had every kind of advanced tools which one could ask for in Electrical engineering.  The first few weeks were little different, i used to talk less but people were really friendly. Soon i found a new apartment with an american friend and life started becoming smoother with passing of each day. During first semester, life was all about studying and making food. It ended on a high note with two straight A's in both courses and few food recipes which i had mastered so far.  Then came the summers and i saw the snow melting unleashing the beautiful grass beneath it. I saw the beautiful greenery at a place, where i thought none other than snow can ever exist. Time was spent luxuriously making trips to Boston, New York and Salt lake city. One more semester came, and i passed it again without a single B this time too.

During all these wonderful times, hidden were some dark times. The times when i used to felt so lonely, days passed by without talking to a single person in real. Phone and internet accompanied my loneliness. So many festivals came and left without getting noticed. Diwali was spent studying for the tests, while others just lasted like status update on Facebook. This one year brought so much change in me, i value every act how-so-ever small it may be. I cherish every moment spent with my loved ones, times may not remain the same forever. I love to eat my own cooked food, and have stopped complaining about it. Human species is same everywhere, every mother in this world cares for her child. Everyone wants to be loved and every heart regrets the feelings of hatred.

The life made me learn these lessons in hard way, while rewarding me for the patience which i kept in my heart always. It's 7pm in evening, not sure about my plans for tonight. I might end up cooking food, then eating it and hoping that One day this too shall pass..

The Japanese Wife

While surfing internet after getting home in evening, a line caught my eye," I couldn't stop crying after watching this movie. The epic since Pather Panchali 15 years ago". The heading was written in English and Bengali in an old-fashioned manner of british times. I didn't expect it to be updated, as kolkata is still struggling to free itself from the shackles of British rule. Those out-dates modest lines were written for a movie, "The Japanese Wife". Though i always wanted to see Pather Panchali, which is considered to be the best piece ever created in Bengal, the land of intelectuals, but i never got the chance to see it.

I haven't read much about Bengal history. Moreover born and brought up in Northern part, Bengal, to me, is as far as any other middle east country. Once the famous capital of India before the British rule, a city known for its trade and European architecture buildings, is still reeling under the wrath of union groups and worker strikes. One could hear the outcry over outdated infrastructure and politics around every corner of street.  I'll be happy to get any updates on this issue. The movie starts with flowing waters of river malta along the banks of an old town Sunderban. A mediocre house in a dilapidated condition in which an old bengali women cladded in a white sari is cleaning the kitchen. Rahul Bose rides a bi-cycle back to home.

Wearing the traditional Bengali dress, He talks very less but in a very polite manner in Bengali and his tone gets even more polite while talking in English. As the name suggests, he's been married to a Japanese women, whom he has never seen. On the other side of world his wife resides in a small village near Yokohama, Japan. A young Japanese girl with small eyes and fair skin, staying with her ailing mother. They both are just pen friends. They have been sending letters to each other for last fifteen years. He sends her the bangles on their marriage anniversary, and she sends him the kites made by her.  Her only wish is to see his husband before her life ends. She hopes one day her mom will recover from her illness and then she can go to stay with her husband. Her husband is tied with the responsibilities of widow (Riya Sen, wife of Rahul Bose's friend) and his late mother's sister, whom he calls maushi. They talk with each other through letters, almost once a week. Half of Rahul Bose savings goes into writing the letters to this wife. She sends him a camera from Japan, so that he can send her the pictures of his house and his maushi too. He tells her the reasons why a Bengali women have to shave her head and  wear a white sari after her husband dies.

 A few weeks passed by and her mom dies leaving her in the world with a hope that she'll meet her husband one day. That day of hope when she'll have enough money to go to India and see her husband for the first time in life. The story unfolds into the dark when she is informed by her doctor that she's also suffering from a rare generic cancer.. She still hopes for the best and share this sad news with her husband. One can see Rahul Bose's emotions falling apart upon reading the letter of his wife in which she informes of her rare cancer disease. Rahul Bose feels helpless tied with the responsibilities of his family, and can't let his wife to die fighting lonely. He convinces himself that he has a duty towards his wife too. He tries whatever he can to support her cancer-stricken wife in Japan. He goes to Kolkata, the biggest city near his town to get some suggestions from the reputed doctors. But even doctors deny to prescribe any medicine without the medical check-up of patient. He asks various homeopathic and ayurveda specialists and sends the medicines to his wife in Yokohama. One could feel the pain of this Bengali man, in his mid forties walking on the slippery mud at the bank of river malta in deep thought on what he should do to save his wife. Despite all his efforts, her health is deteorating with every passing day. He tries to call and talk to her though a phone booth in Kolkata, but ends up paying 500 rs for a wrong connection. He makes trips to various doctors and specialists to get any help for her wife, but all in vain.

This poor man walking across the doors of hospital has already experienced so many hard-ships in his life. The monsoon season starts and all the bus service and boat service are halted for an indefinite period. Rahul Bose decides to go to Kolkata to meet another doctor, and while coming back he catches the pneomonia. One week in bed and still no letter or telegram from his wife. One night he himself passes away. The message is conveyed to his wife through a telegram, who herself is too frail to write a letter to her husband.

The weeks and months pass by. The widow Riya Sen and Maushi are staying in the same hut. The Japanese lady gets off the boat at the bank of malta river and asks a guy to help her find the address of Rahul Bose's house. She is wearing a white sari and her head is shaven, just like a Bengali widow. She has finally reached to her own house, where she always wanted to come, but only to see her letters and gifts packed in a corner of a dark room with a framed photograph of her husband.

Diwali day..

The nip in the air says it all. When the aroma of coffee enchants you more than a cold coffee shake, it's time to convince your heart not to wear half tees anymore. The warmth of sun pleases you more than the irritation of sun-burn. All these nostalgic feelings can sum up Diwali for anyone who has spent his years in north India. I've spent almost my entire life growing up in the chilled winters of Amritsar, some pleasant ones of Patiala and few romantic yet busy seasons in Delhi too.

Like every year this time too, i was excited for Diwali. The story is not the same like the past. A test on Wednesday, followed by submission of two assignments on Friday, that's all this week has in store for me. Pretty busy week, yet I've to find time to enjoy or at-least see others enjoying the most-awaited festival.  My nocturnal eyes can tell you the story of not getting enough sleep for last two days. Waking up late on Wednesday at around 8am to get ready for test, I was excited. The reason was not the test but Diwali. I was already looking forward to hear the sounds of crackers while talking at my home through skype. I finished the test by 12 noon and came back home. Although the bustling of crackers was almost over by the time i started talking at home; 01.00 pm in ET means 10.30pm in IST. Yet could hear or see some crackers dropping from the above sky leaving a trail of light. I saw all the pictures of evening, puja, lighting of candles and crackers. I relived my own past through those captured moments. For a moment, i couldn't even realize that I am not even closer to this pleasant reality. It was fun, at last it wasn't that bad to be in US as much as i was expecting it to be. Even the thought of sitting in lab whole day and making some food in dinner and eating it while reading some paper online, is pathetic.

The day was not over yet. After finishing talking at home, i thought of surfing for some religious prayers which i could play on YouTube.  It all ended watching the movie "Silence of lambs". Knowing the fact that next two days would be really hectic catching up with the assignments, i just wanted to enjoy the day, which every Indian has enjoyed once in his/her life. I managed to watch some religious songs before it was time for dinner. Sitting on computer for past five hours had made me lazy, so i decided to make maggi for dinner. In India, we have so many delicious foods to eat and taste on Diwali, how could i be so mean to my stomach? Finally made matar-paneer along with chapati. I don't want to indulge into the difficulties of making it, so let's move ahead. The food was eaten, a feeling contentment took over my mind (and stomach too).

I almost enjoyed the day like a holiday only. The only wish not fulfilled yet was to see the live aarti or prayers offered to God. I had my test, while all the prayers were performed in India. And this wish was fulfilled when my uncle called me up in evening to wish Diwali. He was still getting ready for the Diwali party at his place, so i told him to put me live on webcam so that i could also see the puja.  All such little wishes which means a lot to me were fulfilled by God. God never discriminate with the people far away from their lands :P

Now it's almost quarter to 2am here, i have some plans of calling my friends back home wishing them diwali before signing off only to realize that tomorrow won't be as lovely as it is today. Happy Diwali :)