Thursday, March 26, 2009

And i am once again happy..

Life is indeed beautiful.

After following it for years, with all my grit and determination, sometimes I got it but mostly losing it when required the most. I am describing my encounters with the every one's lavish fantasy, every one's life longing: HAPPINESS :)

This word carries the most beautiful feelings etched in my heart too, just like every one's heart. But these feelings are volatile; the sublimate feelings are the most hard fought to posses. I had many runs for it, galloping haplessly on a pavement, sniffing every step of this trodden path, yet lost it when I was on the verge of getting it.

This time again, running blind-folded for this splendid thing, I was on the verge of giving up. Unlike my last attempts, I was drained to the bottom. Hands slowly and swiftly dropping the gears of my passion, mind getting sootheness in the emptiness only, lying with eyes closed possessing no more dreams, world seemed to be still with me. A subtle glow was seen by my eyes, tired of seeing the faded happiness every time. It was happiness, again knocking at my weak and brittle door, yes, it was indeed happiness.

And I am once again happy..

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Happy Holi :)

I remember vividly my last holi at home. It was spectacular as always, free from the pinching sky of college schedule into the endless world of my imagination, into the new world where phobia for silence persists, into a new gigantic term of corporate world; it felt as if i had explored a hidden treasure a year ago.

That newly-found treasure is lost !!

Life has become inconsistent, galloping in steps after the long tiring unexpected halts. My plans keep changing as sun keeps changing the intensity of its rays with time. The growing agony inside me needs a vent out. Hopes were never dwindling with such pessimism nor me. My priorities, expectations keep changing like a bullish run in sensex. Come new ones, older ones are drained in the dejected lane. A filthy feeling of being shrewd to myself craves in every time.

But no, i shall live it myself. I shall live it for my loved ones, for those who share my happiness, more for those who endure my pains with me. Setting aside the speculations running in my mind, i shall decide the course and will never deter my expectations.

Soon.. Very soon..

Saturday, March 7, 2009

After being eloped for a sumptuous time, i shall be consistent in writing it once again.

I shall write it once again with the same rejuvenated vigour,

I shall write for me, only for me, just for me..

I always appreciate the comments, what so ever they are, they make me a better writer, a better person too sometimes !!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

One year @ Delhi

I still have very vivid memories of the day, I landed up in this big bustling metro Delhi. Getting passed the lavish showrooms on outer circle of connaght place stood with its reputation of being a metropolitan. I was total unaware of my place : flat-1, navjeevan vihar, geetanjali enclave, New Delhi. When I was coming, one guy told me to ask about malviya nagar because its nearby my desired location. Later i came to know, Malviya nagar was actually known to all and no one knew about navjeevan vihar. Everyone prefers going round the periphery, but never the axis. Luckily I saw a car with number plate PB 11 (Patiala) and standing beside it was damanpreet. Two well-groomed ashoka trees planted across the fence, balcony painted white touching the leaves of trees, that was the flat assigned to us. We both went inside, turning right from the door was the haunted room (atleast for me). All were reached the same night and were told the maid would be serving the meals next day onwards.

Next day, we met the great RAMU. A guy with sky-touching ego and the attitude he carried was unnerved. Right from the first day, he made us feel as if we are back to school from our independent life-style of college. His tongue rolling punchline," aisa nahi chalega yahan", always had a jittery impact on us. Asking for another chappatti made him furious to such extent as if he would eat me if i mutter a single word. Yet fun was irresistible in asking more and more laughing out loud in front of him. His wife was the most dumb person, always smiling resembling with million dollar smile of Julia Roberts. I just asked her once to make a coffee and maggi, she said she knew nothing about cooking. She made it simpler for us to cook ourselves in evening, ramu gritting his teeth over the usage of sugar and his coffee. He tried threatening us always watching news of aarushi murder case and rest were the channels very close to his heart but far away from mine ( nepali tv, pongali, bla bla bla ).

All day talking non-sense, shunting out weirdest jokes for each other. Listening to that censored show at night with daman, amul and saurav, even a noise of curtain could make it irritating and concluding discussions never died out before next day. Watching MTV roadies for three hours at a stretch, showing the crude side with a charming killer attitude and equally cunning and sheer kamini thinking, it was shambhavi. Weekends were absolutely impeccable to stop, we had no plans for it ever. Living everyday as sunday, yet actual sundays were special. Why the girls in some special buses were actually cute than others especially in 500 and 520? A round trip to connaught place was all that could soothe the minds.

Came another guy, kunal. Natively from delhi which was pretty clear from his wild ways of thinking. His never ending talks (mostly were never-heard) and even more lasting were the impressions, how could he did it, were all we used to wonder. Probably the only guy who had not left even a single thing unexplored, was kunal. His handshake nobody could ever forget, that big clasp around your mild grip, but a very nice guy on the whole. But i had a huge fight with amul over who would taught him integration because none of us actually wanted to taught a guy who could raise his eyebrows over the summation of two and two is four. Still a master of every trade but studies.

My assistant manager at operation services in vasant kunj, i wonder how a guy could be blessed with such an abundance. Watching his decent designer dressings, coming by bus, all day surfing the stock exchange sites on his lenovo laptop, checking his mails and chatting with his gf and earning the wildest package, that was all my mind could ask for in my weirdest distant dreams at that time (and now sometimes i felt my presence in his shoes but still life is never so green as it was from other side).

Talks about the concept of jatt was probably the blind curve in that haunted house. One guy actually a jatt by name, other by his physique, we used to crack the wildest jokes on their face, both looking in bewilderment as if meant for him only, but it was always the other guy. Those small-budget treats were the best times to cherish, where nothing else prevails but just the laughter unless it hurted so much that tears started rolling down cheeks. Then there were spats for milk, deepest confusions over the financial boom in prices, fighting egos over the few drops of milk, dominance of full cream over double tone, those heated well-planned discussions are amongst my brightest memories of my stay.

How come being in Delhi, one can't find a girl to steer eyes just to have a look of her. Named " kali kudi " was simply astonishing. The name made it clear her dark complexion but bootylicious figure. She used to walk in evenings in her only white shorts, even shorter than contemporary shorts and superman claded top. One just couldn't take off his eyes because she deserved the applaud for being unique. Rest we had many such clashes, but unluckily went in vain. My nose has still not grown out of the fragrance of a deodorant which I had from a girl's bag found beneath a bench in park. Many would agree watching that accord without "a" was everytime enchanting.

First six months rolled away in blink of eye and next six months were equally regretting and full of remorse. Getting all those things, for which we had longed for in previous six months, had actually made our lives not so beautiful as once we had expected. I did every that act which ever sprouted in my heart in last so many years and mind you, chasing those dreams were much better than possessing those as my own. Life has still a long way to travel along the trodden paths but still i admit graciously without friends, i might had become oblivious to such simple yet beautiful life.

And one thing i did even more passionately than everything else !!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Happy New Year !!

This new year eve was pretty unique unlike the last 21 eve's. Delhi-playing with harmony of celebrations-a decent restrobaar and a bunch of special friends. Buzzing streets, guzzling cars, honking horns could make anyone set in mood for new year celebrations. Deafening volumes of dj's, roaring shouts in ecstasy, clinching fists conforming the arrival of new era, it was far ahead of what my mind had imagined in last so many years about the new year bash parties. Indeed a classy act in its own, that spirit surely deserves applaud for the arrival of just one ordinary day.

My mind. A disturbed gadget had its own musings as always. Pumping back the reminiscences of good lonely days. Making a huddle, holding a simple beaten-coffee mug, munching bite of self-made cake without any icing; it says all what i require for this special moment of my life. Arms of my loving siblings hugging each other saying the sweetest songs in a monotonous tone. Phones ringing, "happy new year". This innocent mind really expecting some pack of happiness in this coming year, crossing the thoughts of some resolutions are simply needful at the moment. Staring at screens seeing people making merry for just an ordinary day makes my heart feel," kya pata, god gets impressed with our preparations for coming year so we may get some happiness in coming times".

Such were the pleasures in simplicity of life !!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

One more dawn breaks kissing the horizon, every mind leaping for the newer goals with a rejuvenated spirit, with a more pragmatic thinking, with a wider band of thinking, with more rays of hope, with new found loved ones, with even more saturated ego, with a mighty heart, with a cherubic face, with a more benevolent soul,

I want to lead this new day in a better way :)

Friday, December 19, 2008

Insensitive me or ??

Last time I penned down the above three lines. Mind was fuming haplessly for no reasons. Life was tough though effortless. But those efforts were not abler enough to steer a cheer even. Pondering over the virtual myth, frantically chasing the dreams which would never be mine in destiny yet I gave it a try.

Just completed another novel, “that thing called LOVE”, few lines are still rendering over my mind.

IF YOU REALLY LOVE SOMEBODY, LET THEM GO.
IF THEY RETURN, THEY WERE ALWAYS YOURS
IF THEY DON’T, THEY NEVER WERE!!

I was taken a back with the sublime influence of these words. How could a poet write it so beautifully, yet everyone can relate it so easily. Feelings of strong disgust were undeniable at those times, whole world seem staring at me with piercing thoughts. Even the soul couldn’t retain the composure, every bit falls out of place. It was horrendous; one thought kept bickering in my heart. Why am I taking things to its worst end?

Yes, I quit it there only. It was not just one bit, a dilemma bulging out everyday in my mellow heart. Leaving behind such chilled memories which had churned me upside down, had made me trembled voraciously, I remorse my feelings yet none is to be accused but myself.

I am not sure what else to write to continue this spontaneity, which I doubt for the ardent readers. This post stands nowhere, yet a little closer to my own heart atleast. Two weeks full of mixed emotions playing with my heart, feelings trying to bulge yet I suppress those hard. Feeling tougher and less sensitive, yet this is life. Recently I read the movie review of “rab ne bana diti jodi”, a movie where the flamboyant hero is so inexpressive. He has to keep his feelings into his heart as if packed in a tiffin box. He rides a simple scooter and feels imprudent in folding the sleeves of his shirt. An undeterred smile unlike a wicked grin could say it all. That sincerety in his smile while taking hold of pepsi was truly hard to ignore. But one keeps chasing the dreams haplessly diluting his happiness into the sour times, expecting the unexpected, and trying to take possession of what was never yours.

Forgotten are those words or the sayings of history, life makes you learn the ruthless ways, moulding those sincere feelings into the insensitive strings of curbed emotions.

Wah shakl pighli to har shay mein dhal gayee jaise
Ajeeb baat hui hai usse bhulane mein….

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Hmmm..

As you grow, quality of life degrades..

Your destiny will make you cry in a room full of deaf persons !!