Shades of grey

Finally getting closer to 40. How’s life - has it all sorted itself out and worked out in your favor?

Had you asked me this question a decade earlier, I’d have nodded with a resounding yes.

Ten years later, life is anything but sorted. And that’s the beauty of it. Things I had always seen as either black or white have all turned grey. There’s nothing absolutely right or wrong on this planet Earth. What is “right” today might be “wrong” in another 100 years or may have been wrong 50 years ago.

We all come to this planet Earth and try to draw our lives in a straight line. But life has its own plans. In Buddhism, they say the only thing constant in life is impermanence. In Hinduism, we’re taught not to desire the fruits of our hard work. Now it makes better sense why; because life turns out very differently from what you thought.

Learning, consciously, to live only in the present. And accept everything that life throws my way with open arms. 

Corporate ladder

 After almost 13 long years, this June I said goodbye [for now] to the corporate world. It was nothing short of a dream run I had while working at GE. Ever since I got enrolled in Electrical Engineering in my under-grad, it was my dream to work with GE - there's no bigger firm than GE in the world of electric grid. 

I got my lucky break in 2012 while I was finishing my Masters in the US. HR called me to fly to Florida for 3-4 rounds of interview. After getting out of airport, I asked my cab driver to take me to the beach first [it was a 10-minute walk from the hotel I was staying in]. In my entire life upto that point, I had been to a beach twice [both times while I was in school, we went to visit my uncle in Mumbai]. This time, I was all alone on this pristine beach with my shoulder bag flying straight into 70°F Florida weather from the snowy winters of Maine. I promised myself I would do everything I could to get this dream job and would never move out of it. 

The next day's interview got me a job [with the much-needed visa] in a city on the coast of Atlantic ocean. Over the next 13 years, I have forgotten how many walks I took along the coast of the same pristine sea. In the first 3-4 years, I was confident in my ability to understand and do what I was asked to in my role but I was always in awe of the brilliant people surrounding me in the office. First 5 years, I was simply happy to be in a role I had dreamt of for so many years. 

In next half decade, I travelled to countries I only had heard of. Still climbing the corporate ladder slowly and steadily. Without much greed for the position or role, I was just happy working on the projects/products which were very much I had learnt all these years my under-graduation and graduation. A couple of years back, I was very content with the thought of retiring from this same company [and even on the same role I was at that time]. 

Fortunately, Life had other plans. This June, I left my job and a team I had for last 13 years. No more annual salary, no more promotions, no more paid vacation - just me getting paid on hourly basis for the work I do. And this tag of 13 years of work experience at GE is still giving me more work than I can handle nowadays. Fingers crossed. 

Template of life

While growing up, there used to be two ways of doing/executing some task. One correct way, and the other incorrect way. And one never realizes that this 2-way rule gets so incorporated in your way of leading life - that we so easily judge others based on our narrow judgement of how the world works.

I was no different carrying this bag of my narrow viewpoint and adding few more rules every year in this bag. One must study in college, one must get a job, when one should buy a car, when should I get married [and this list is endless]. Anytime I would met some, we'll discuss the usual talks. In 20s it was about going for higher degree, settling in a new place, getting a new job, renting a new place, getting married. In 30s, talks revolve more around buying a new place or a car, investment lessons, kids, travelling. 

We, as a human, always have a tendency to find the like-minded persons, create a bond over likeable stuff, and then continue to live in this so-called cocoon for the rest of our lives. Same set or friends, same ideas, same jobs - and how conveniently we start believing that this is how the life must be lead. 

Few years back, I thought how anyone who doesn't fit in this model or someone who's not leading a life as per my model could be happy. I'm not the one who created this template of leading life, that's how everyone [I know of] has lead or will lead the life. How can one leave a job in 30s to go back to his/her parents? How can one who dropped out of school in 20s could end up finishing graduate school at 42? Can one, in her sane mind, continue renting a place while having thousands of cash sitting idle in checking account? One of my friends [with financial resources] hate travelling and has never been to any other state than Florida. Do these people exist?

In last few years, I've started appreciating people or humans [in general] more who doesn't fit this so-called successful-life-template. After all, that's the beauty of this human life and the diversity. There's no such template: we humans, sitting idle on our weekends with our life-minded friends, created and are leading our life as per this template. There are perhaps millions of such templates in different parts of the world, and millions such small cocoons of people living their lives totally unaware of things happening outside their nest. Still nothing wrong with this too. 

Alternate Universe (AU)

It is real. Turning over 35 now and teenage years feels like a dream that happened in an alternate universe. The excitement of a new job, of a new car, of a new city - all wither away with time. All that is left are the mundane chores keeping you busy and weeks are passing away in front of your eyes as if watching the endless green fields from a moving bus. Is this going to be my life for the next 40 or 50 years?

No. Most likely no. Hopefully no. One needs to find new ways to make this life as beautiful as it seem it was in the teenage years. Some have the confidence [in their 30s] which they lacked in their 20's, some have money, some have the flexibility - one can put these newly acquired resources to good use. 

As far as I'm concerned, I want to explore this world more. With all [money, confidence and flexibility] on my side this time, I want to go on the paths never travelled before. I don't want to wait till my retirement years, as those are as far away as are teenage years [or even more]. After sometime, these 30s would also exist in an alternate universe and then these fairytale trips would also feel like a distant memory, but will have a picture or two from that distant memory. 

Sharing one which already feels like a distant memory to me.

Mountain life

 After living for almost 10 years in Florida and exploring umpteenth of beaches, we have finally managed to move to the mountains of Utah. Driving thru 10 different states in six days, we finally managed to reach SLC first week of march. Now living in an Airbnb and still trying to find the warmth amidst the snow storms.

This is our car, which had never seen snow ever before, drove thru the black ice of Wyoming, dirty slushy snow of Colorado and finally managed to bring us to Utah..

Miami

Miami, a city, only 4 hours away from my place. Yet sometimes I miss visiting it. Last 3 years, I made frequent visits to Miami for visa, flights and cruises - yet never stopped even once to adore the beauty of this city. This time it was all about watching this beautiful city lightening up as the sun sets, restaurants filling up quickly to fill the place with joy and laughter. Dancers and actors performing their tricks on the ocean drive with mild summer wind blowing from the ocean's surface. Fancy cars stopping by the packed clubs to drop or pickup their fashionable owners. The city has its own charm like no other. 

Only this time, I didn't sit in a restaurant to get engulfed in conversations and laughter. I sat at a distance watching this beautiful city and admiring everything it has to offer.

Feeling accomplished

There's a classic Bollywood movie '3 Idiots', which most of the Indians have definitely watched more than once. I'm no different in this respect and must've watched at least 30-35 times. In the movie, the lead actor [Aamir Khan] sarcastically tells the girl [lead actress - Kareena Kapoor] not to marry another guy who has come to India for match-making. Aamir Khan tries to convince her by telling that this guy is a stupid fellow. "He did his engineering degree from India and then went to US and got his MBA degree. If he really wanted to get into Business or Management, why did he opt for engineering in the first place?". 

I'm feeling the same emotions after recently finishing my MBA degree (I opted for it after doing Bachelors and Masters degree in Engineering). Still all I see in front of me is a dark and long tunnel with no end. Moreover, even the actress got convinced in the movie with Aamir Khan's logic and left that guy for good. 

PS - I also got an expensive watch [as a graduation gift]. I never fail to announce its price tag anytime someone complements me for my watch.

Lohri 2021

Lohri has always been a special affair to me since childhood. Buying kites from a local store a day before and making sure all kites were dry [and ready to fly next morning]. Getting up early on Lohri morning and visiting temple to setup the Ramayan puja - another event so freshly engraved in my mind.

Coming home by 10am and seeking approval from Grandma to go on terrace to fly kites. She would try to postpone it by half an hour so it gets little warmer outside and in the meantime I'd finish my breakfast. Once the meals were taken care of and sun shining brightly outside the window, no one would disturb me until the lunch [another assumed promise]. I would fly kites [and lose most of my bought lot] until noon and then would take couple of hours of break to again visit temple.

Around 4ish - once the sun's brightness had withered down a bit - I would go on terrace for another round of kite flying. This time would come down only after finishing all my lot. Once in a while, I would get fortunate enough to come down from terrace with more kites. By 7pm, everyone would gather around the bonfire in back porch to celebrate Lohri. In my mind, I would still be counting kites which I can fly the next day. 

The day wasn't over yet. Dinner would be followed with yet another visit to temple to celebrate another round of bonfire and Lohri. By this time, it'd get considerably colder than daytime. Thinking about the kites I won and lost that day - and how I could have saved my favorite kite with a newly learned concept - I would fall asleep to enjoy another day.

The charms of Childhood !!

Perfect summer, i alwasy wished for !!

This pandemic, Covid-19' has brought an avid reader out of me. The reader i always wanted to be on peaceful weekends. The reader with couple of good books and far away from the maddening crowd. The reader to whom parties don't interest anymore.

This summer i was hoping to at least catch up on 3-4 books given my less-than-busy-schedule at work and MBA classes. As soon as this pandemic broke out, all my work and study related travel came to a halt. Without wasting any further time, I ordered couple of books in second week of March. Already into the second week of April, I've finished three books and two more books are already on my way through postal services.

And the best out of the lot is 'Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine'. This summer, I'm going to fulfill my wish of sitting all weekend at home with a book in hand and no one to disturb (except, of course, my wife) !!

Pursuing dreams

Crossed the 30-age mark. Well settled in my job, been working with same firm for more than 6 years now. Bought a house and cars. Living the life in my own self-created bubble. Too cosy to come out of it. A bit too common, isn't it? This happens to everyone at a stage in your life.

Around last year, this same bubble of getting too comfortable started creating problems. Problems like when you've nothing to do on a weekend, when all you've left on your plate are parties, groceries and vacation trips. Seems good to be true, but after a while you get bored of it too. Then i decided to take a step out of this comfort bubble. Ummmmmmm - MBA or switch jobs or take a new position in same company? Let's go with the first.

Got all the deadlines and school rankings sorted. Gave the GMAT exam after 6 months and applied to couple of schools. Finally gave in-person interviews after visiting campuses and finally started another phase of life this august: MBA from Carnegie Mellon. August went hard. When you're no more in the zone of studying for past 5 years and all of a sudden, you've 4 pending assignments and case studies to do every weekend; you know life is going to get harder. Next two and a half years are going to be busy with an MBA and on-going job. Juggling with all the work travels, studies, spending time at home, parties. 

But just like any other phase of life, this too shall pass..

Work in vain

Working in the software industry has taught me one thing very clearly: Nothing remains same. The code or the product on which you're working so diligently might be obsolete next month. All your linked software apps would go obsolete with it. All the third party vendors serving your software product would also lose their contract.

In some other part of the world, there'll be celebration events held to celebrate the success of a new deal. Some people will be celebrating the success of promotions or attractive bonuses, while some would be staring hard at the lines of the obsolete code figuring out what went wrong. But this is the cycle of Software product. All your past years of working on this product, your pending fixes, your upcoming meetings and newer release versions; everything would go down one day.

So then why waste your present on a product which has no future? Why waste your nights and weekends on a product, which may not see the light of next day?

When i joined my company almost six years ago, i thought this product would stay here for decades to come. Nothing will change, this business will run as it is running now for years to come. After all i had seen people retiring in my team working on this product for last 35-40 years. My idea wasn't wrong, but my approach was. The product will stay in market for how so ever long you want it to be, only if..

Only if it keeps transforming itself with the demands of new world. Everyday you've to work your way up, a step ahead of your competitors. Everyday you've to unlearn thousand old lines of code and learn a new thousand lines; and again unlearn these newly learned lines by next year. This is the only way the product might survive in this ever-changing market. 

Nomads

Last friday, when i got bored of working continuously for past three hours, i decided to take a short break to have a walk to the parking lot of library (from where i work most of the time). Two bicycles were parked by the library's entrance. The handles were hinged to the main door of library, and a couple, in their early 30's, were sitting under the shaded area by the entrance to avoid the direct sun. It was an unusually hot day for a typical February day in Florida. While i was looking at the unshaved beard of the guy and the girl, who was eating a bowl of half-cooked rice in a transparent bowl filled partially with water, a small dog came waging his tail around the parked bicycles. The couple had attached a small cabin to tow with their bicycles for their pet.

I approached the guy who was still looking lost staring at his dirt-filled nails under sun. He signaled me to tell that they both were deaf, so couldn't understand a word spoken by me. I, somehow moving my hands randomly, asked them from where were they riding the bikes, He told they'd been riding their bikes from Georgia and South Carolina's border and were planning to go till St Pete's beach (roughly 70 miles south from their current location). Upon asking further, he told that they were basically from New York and drove down in car to Georgia. They sold their car in Georgia and from the money collected, bought a pair of bicycles and other stuff to sleep at night. They had tied a tent and few clothes at the back end of one bicycle and the dog's cabin was tied to another. They had a box full of rice in the tied cabin and i assumed they were munching those uncooked rice from the bowl half filled with water. They were talking to each other using hands. I asked how do you manage to eat and sleep while riding bikes for days. They understood what i was asking after attempting repeatedly to convey. They were eating the rice from the box and were sleeping in tent in parking lots at night. No wonder looking at their faces and clothes, one could assume they hadn't had shower for over a month.

I offered them to pay for their lunch, though not in a forthright manner to make sure not to offend them with my offer. After thanking me couple of time for the offer, they graciously accepted it. I took my car from the parking lot and went to the nearby subway store. It was still around 2 in the noon, so there were few in the queue at the store. I packed two separate subs, asking them to put everything they had in store. When i came back to library after fifteen minutes, they were still sitting on cemented floor outside the entrance. The girl was playing with her dog, while the guy went to the restroom to wash his face. They thanked me a couple more times. They told me they're planning to stay at St Pete's beach for a month and then would head back to NY on the bikes. Since it would be summer by the time they'll start riding up north, the weather wouldn't pose much difficulty for them. While still surprised with their decision to ride all the way up from NY, I came back into the library slowing walking towards my desk. I was happy i could help them (though in smallest possible manner) with one-time's meal for a day on this arduous journey of theirs.

Out of cocoon

Finally out of cocoon after a 7 month long hibernation. Life is still moving at a sweet little pace; at a pace where one can enjoy the journey and can't get bored by the dullness of slow pace. Few months of hard work again ignites your hopes of achieving what you couldn't do so far in life.

And i can see myself standing on the verge of the door of opportunity - raising my hand to knock on its door. Only God knows if it will open or will remain shut just like the door of so many dreams which i wanted to pursue but couldn't. 

Democracy

My sleep got interrupted around 5:45am today morning Saturday. Usually i get up at 6:30am, so it was little unusual as per my sleeping pattern. With one eye closed, i swiped my phone to unlock it. First thing i see every morning is CNN app to see if anything 'big' happened anywhere in world while i was asleep. Nothing much was happening that time, so i switched to my second app 'USA today' and again everything usual. Then saw the 'breaking news' flashing over my TOI (Times of India) app with the emerging winners of recent polls held in five states in India and among them were the results of Punjab state. 

Congress has won again in Punjab and it was no surprise given the worst reputation of BJP ministers. Some were hoping against hope to see AAP to emerge as winners, but they did pretty well winning over 15% seats in their first ever elections outside Delhi. And surely it's a good sign for the new Government not to feel so complacent after their huge margins of victory. In coming days, the transfer of state powers will be done in a peaceful manner. One of so many things which we take for granted.

How easily the commander of state accepts his defeat and respects people's decision by resigning from the Chief minister's post. What if he had plotted an attack on opposition's leader or had disrupted the elections or had plainly done something to defend his seat by going against the constitution. Few decades ago, it wasn't a very hard task to fantasize the above scenario. I remember very vaguely reading the newspapers or watching news of violence at election booths or disruption on counting of votes at the electoral centers. Army used to be stationed at electoral centers to ensure peace during counting. There used to be a unusual uneasiness in markets or offices during the power transfer. Huge protests were held by people marching on the streets either in favor of ruling government or against it, disrupting day-to-day life of common man. Schools and colleges were closed on the day of counting and sometimes a day before too. 

After waking up, i went through some more information regarding the election results and how the defeated candidate congratulated the winner in elections and winner graciously accepted the wishes from the ex-CM. There was no uneasiness, neither any protests were held by ruling or opposition party. Everyone accepted the decision of people in a graceful manner. 

Silently, Democracy won again. 

Re-inventing myself

The year 2016 is on the verge of its end, and will soon be remembered just like any other year lost somewhere in history books with some good and bad memories. This last week of the year is always a good time to ponder on the past 12 months and make a plan for the next 12 months.

There were things which i wanted to achieve in this year. I achieved some of it, while many got lost in this race of life. I always wanted to be really good at coding and i gave my best this year. Not sure if it'll help me in my work or not, but it does give a warm sense of satisfaction to take a step closer towards one of my goals. Talking about my passion for photography, i pursued it wholeheartedly this year as well by taking some good photos around me. I realized i really enjoy doing it all day. Taking the raw images of beautiful creatures of this planet and setting the tone right on software later on my laptop. I could do this all day long, if i had nothing else to do. But then i have some other hobbies for which photography can take a back seat. One of them would be setup a new phone or laptop with all the applications and settings. I absolutely love to get my hands on a new device and spent a good 2-3 hours to bring it to speed with my old device. Thankfully i'm able to quench this thirst on my work laptop and phones every year.

I understand we all go through a phase when we try to learn whatever we get our hands on. But in long run, do what you're very best at. Consider someone spending a year on typing (solely on typing and nothing else) and i bet one will be faster than me although i've spent a lot of my time doing it but it was never a focussed effort at improving my pace in typing. Similarly i've spent roughly more than ten years now learning and practicing the concepts of electricity and software. It's not any over-confidence, but a realization which comes after repeatedly working on same set of problem time and again. If there is one thing at which i can make this world a better place, it has to be the field at which i work all day all year long. Leaving this field for something better (in terms of money or work culture) will render all these years of hard work meaningless. Some kid will again spend almost three decades to learn what i know now about my field, and leaving it altogether is an insult to what i've learnt so far in my life.

Switching jobs for a better package or other incentives is perfectly fine. But leaving your area of expertise will never do any good. Consider some doctor (no matter how good a learner he/she is) taking up my job at my office. Soon the doctor will catch up with my regular work in a span of 4-5 years. But will he ever be able to have the luxury of feeling the comfort of expertise which i have. Perhaps never. I may be able to do the surgery in five year span, but my concepts of human body can never stand in front of a doctor who has spent almost a decade to learn this human body before operating upon it. If i ever have a chance to make an impact in this world (no matter how insignificant it would be), it has to be in my area of expertise. And we need to nurture our passion by learning something new everyday about it.

Next year will be no different again. Will continue to learn the new techniques and will unlearn some obsolete ones as well. I'll continue to find small pieces of joy in laughter of my loved ones and small bits of success at work. Will try to travel a bit more this year internationally after covering more than 15 states in last two years. May it bring the peace in this world and a spark of light at the end of tunnel for those hoping for it.

November is here..

Yes, roughly a week is left before November would be here. Somehow since i grew up in India, november sounds more festive to me than december. During this time in my hometown, it starts getting little cool after the scorching summers of june and july. You start looking for new winter clothes or starting unpacking your old sweaters and jackets. I remember when as a kid, i used to jump around the pile of winter clothes laid under sun to get rid off of any existing stink from naphthalene balls. I would jump from one pile to other thinking about what will i wear to school the next day. Then those food delicacies like saag and makki would start arriving in big bags to our home. The cold coffee or mango shakes are replaced by hot bournvita milk. The school uniform shorts are replaced with trousers and suit jackets. All this will stay until April comes again.

Fortunately i could very much relate with this change of weather during my college days as well. It was around 250 kms from my home, so the weather change would roughly be the same. After the graduation i moved to Delhi. It does get cooled down in Delhi, but perhaps not to an extent as in Punjab. But i was always glad to witness it in Delhi too. I used to explore some more coffee shops or any roadside stalls which could serve something hot during next 3-4 months of mild winter (yes, compared to northern states of US it was mild).

Then i moved to Maine, US for pursuing my masters. I still remember vividly the night of January 1st 2011 when i landed in states. The weather outside was -28 degrees celsius. Then came the two years of my life where i couldn't relate with anything at all. It would snow for eight months straight which in itself was alien to me. The summers were short and sweet. The Mainers would go out all guns blazing exploring new parks, driving to southern states, visiting family and friends in those three months. After finishing my masters, i moved to the sunshine state of Florida where it never gets colder than Mumbai. You could go out and surf on the beach on the new years eve. And once again the world became a sweeter place to stay where i would wait for november to wear my winter clothes and the gently cooled air of nature to make me nostalgic of my hometown all over again.

My carry bag

I remember writing a post on my carry bag sometime in year 2008 (yes, six years ago). While sitting in the library today, i again thought my carry bag and realized how much it has changed in last 5 years.

The link to my previous post - Here

Well comparing to my previous bag, now i carry an altogether different bag. It sits comfortably on two wheels at the base and is easy to move around. It is black in color with lots of zipped pockets on each sides as well as in front. It has a handle on the top to drive it around at the airport terminals. Inside the front pocket of bag, there is my blackberry phone charger and car keys if i'm not carrying those in my pocket. In the next pocket, i keep my wallet on one side and my vpn token and a pack of mint in the other pocket. This pocket is easily accessible from the top and sideways, hence keep my wallet in there. Then there is a small zipper before the big compartment, it carries 4-5 pens, my office login card and few broken lead pencils. I always want to keep this pocket tidy, but can't think of any other place where i could keep all this useless pens and pencils.

It carries two big compartments, both well padded to keep the delicate electronic stuff inside it. One big pocket carries my dell 17" workstation and other one carries a portable monitor of same size. There are very few shoulder bags available in market which could fit in a 17" laptop and a monitor, so i went with this bag. Since i work from the library or home on regular basis, it is always easier to carry a portable monitor with me to ensure my work doesn't suffer. Then there is a back pocket almost as big as the laptop pockets. I keep my laptop charger and my food in this pocket. One could find the oat crumbs in it from my oat bars or usual spicy aroma from Indian food. Once in a while, it would also carry extra popcorn packets to cover my appetite during extended work hours. Then there are some silica gel packets in almost all the pockets to soak all the moisture inside the bag.

It has almost all the stuff i would need on a regular working day. And yes, it does get the weekend off by laying off in my study room from friday night till monday morning. And then the race starts again..

Finally i've realized that life is much more than some marks in a subject, some deadline for a project, buying your dream car or a dream house. It is much more than proving yourself in front of the entire world. I've come to a point in life where i have rejected most of the notions which were in my mind regarding life. But the question remains unanswered - what is life?

Growing up in a common middle class family, i thought life was all about securing a regular pay check to survive each month. Once this goal was met, my definition of life changed. It was all about pursuing my career goals. Once met, you hop onto the next goal, a step higher this time. But life isn't meant to achieve these goals set by society. 

After reaching a certain career goal, you realize this is a never ending race. You would keep running this race till your last breath. Life is not all about running this race. You bought a huge house and your dream car to drive to work everyday. But then you realize that is not the life for which you were looking everywhere. This is not the life you thought all these successful people are living. 

Perhaps life is all about roaming around this world like wanderers. But at this point, i'm mature enough to understand that i can never become a nomad. I haven't studied all these courses so far in my life only to move around this world with no purpose. I haven't spent all these sleepless nights only to leave it all one day. But yet, something is missing in my life. I'm happy with my life, but still i'm not doing justice to every breath i take in present. I can do much more. 

These thoughts make me sad sometime, but i'm happy realizing that i'm not satisfied with what i've got. I want to explore more in this life. Perhaps i may be able to answer one day - what is life.

Life's goal

So what exactly drives our lives? Is it the number i discussed in my last post. People work their ass off to make it big and some die without even a single penny. Do we live to earn or earn to live?

One thing is pretty sure - I don't earn to live. If that would have been the case of my life, i wouldn't be working more than 3-4 hours a day to meet the ends. I work to earn and live. My work help me meet my needs and more importantly drives my life. I work to live and live to work. Every night when i go to sleep, i'm excited about the work i did that day; and even more excited thinking about the work i would do next day. I have some boring days in my schedule when things don't go as planned. But then i understand the financial side of my job too that it serves my needs.

But then the work which i do won't remain the same five years from now. Will it be adventurous enough to keep me tied? I'm the one who needs to find out and work towards it. I'm the one who needs to make it more adventurous as i move forward on my career path. Not everyone is lucky to love their jobs; but we can make it more exciting. There will always be some scope of improvement. That 'scope of improvement' drives my life.

April post

I can't believe it's been more than 6 months since my last post on this page. Yes, it's more of a disappointed feeling than a surprise one. This page was is the one where i express myself, and good thing is i never share it on Facebook. Somehow i never feel like sharing it on a social media. People who should know about what is happening with my life already know it. Once in a while somebody finds my blog profile and drops me an email or text praising my posts. Feels good, and will always be this way only.

These six months were just like those normal six-month periods where i had been sometimes trying too hard to understand life, sometimes trying hard to maintain my work-home balance, steady moving ahead in my professional life, trying to be more mature or at-least acting to be so. Many things happening all at one moment, yet there is a presence of calm in my life. This calm helps me to keep composure during tough times. Sometimes an opportunity would knock at the door, yet i have to ignore it keeping in mind the bigger goal of life. This bigger goal of life is more like how you prioritize the materialistic goals in your life. No matter how hard you try not to be a part of this rat-race, you eventually become one at some stage and upto some extent. I may not agree to be a part of it, but some goals in my life are present only due to this rat race. Yes, i'm still happy following these materialistic goals with my virtual bank balance.

This is a funny phenomena. You open a website to check a specific number (your bank balance), sometimes it makes you happy, sometimes sad. You go to a store, buy something big or small; that number goes down. After a month, the number again goes up. You buy a house and a car, that number would go down by some fix percentage every month for next 15-20 years. This number on a website drives our lives. Some are born with a huge number already on their website, some are born with none. Some work hard till their last breath to make it big; while some lose it too soon. But this number is all you've got in your life.

Perhaps i was working too hard to make it big in last six months, but i'll definitely try to post here more regularly. This is one of those hobbies, which won't die like your plants do if you don't water them. But I may lose my ability [if i have any] to express myself for my own sake.